Tuesday, September 30, 2008

that's hot

The other day I went to a function where I mingled with some non mommy married women. Gosh, they were cute in their limited shirts, seven jeans, and beautiful trendy heels. Their hair was styled and blown dry, they were wearing lip gloss, and jewelry. I casually complemented one of the women on their outfit..."Nordstrom's, they have the cutest stuff!" I debated slugging down another 10.00 martini, until it hit me that it was in fact 10.00. I had a six bottle of Barringer in my fridge at home.

I felt a bout of jealousy coming on, but I don't think I would change a thing in order to look "hot" in that crowd. I think that I do quite well with my pay less, Target, and Ross closet of clothes and shoes. I adore hanging out with my stay at home mom's group where we lament the cost of groceries, and debate the benefits of Cosco. We compliment each other on our Target trends and department store knock offs as we watch our children frolic on the playground. Our clothes more often than not have something kid related smeared on them...snot, spit up, dirt, baby food, goldfish crumbs, depending on the age of the child. We may not be coiffed and polished but we are hugged, kissed and adored. Motherhood is messy. Or as I suppose Paris Hilton might say, "being a mommy is HOT Bitches!" Ok she might not say that but her old BFF NIchole Ritchie might, as she hands of her little one to her army of nannies.


Sorry that I have not posted in awhile. Both of the girls came down with a nasty cold. Claire had a fever last night and looks like a giant snot bubble. Poor thing. Ella has a little runny nose, but is acting like a royal turd. On Monday she went to school and even her teachers mentioned her behavior. They suspected that she was getting sick. Well she was, but she is really not that bad. Her attitude however is over the top.

I skipped the gym today because of Claire. Ella was a little drippy, and cranky but not bad. Claire just LOOKED bad. WE went to a local park this afternoon to wear them out. I picked one that I knew would be empty. I did not want to get the stink eye from any parents. When we left the girls were whining and a mess...good nap? Nope, they both refused to nap, they just whined and fought with each other. Claire has been fever free for 24 hours so I am praying that she will be well enough to go to school. I cannot take another day like this one. I have snot in my hair, on my clothes, everywhere.

I am going to go and take a shower.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Making the debate more fun!

OK, Jeff and I decided to make the presidential debate more interesting. We picked the word "change" as our buzz word. Each time we heard the word we would drink. Apparently, "change" was so primary. Neither candidate said it once. We sill managed to polish off two beers each. Obama's favorite phrase was "let me make it clear". and McCain's was "I've been to" and "strategy". Next time we will have to pick better buzz words in order to get a buzz!!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Has Hell frozen over?

Yesterday I had one of the best days ever. I dropped the kiddos off at MMO and went for my hair cut. I was early so I had an hour to leisurely eat breakfast at a local joint. Coffee, French toast, a book...I was in heaven. I almost shed a tear. I can't remember when I was so relaxed. After my hair cut, I went to the mall and strolled around. I did not buy anything, I just wanted to see what was in style so the next time I was a Ross Dress for Less I did not pick out a fashion don't. I picked up the kiddos at 1:00. The best!

I decided that I would not tell my hubby about my hair cut and was planning on counting the days until he noticed. After dinner we were watching some TV, he looked over and said I like your hair. I swear I almost fell over backward. So I give him props for the first time in our marriage, he noticed without me saying anything. Jeff wanted to make sure that I let the world wide web how observant he his. So world, yes my husband long as you don't get stung by a scorpion. hehehe

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Once bitten twice shy

I have not been sleeping well lately. Two days ago I woke up at 4:00 am. My big toe was excruciatingly painful. It was burning, and throbbing. I had never felt anything like it. Jeff woke up as I ran downstairs yelping in pain. I took an aspirin and inspected the "damage". Nothing, there appeared to be nothing wrong. Then it dawned on me, that maybe I had been stung by a scorpion. I showed my bleary eyed husband the toe. He claimed that it was just an ingrown toenail. What? He insisted that is what it was and I was too tired to question him too much, but the pain! I finally fell asleep. In the morning, I called my mom and told her about it. It was no longer hurting, so I knew that it was certainly no ingrown toenail. She confirmed my suspicion that it was perhaps a scorpion. I ran upstairs, wrestled the sheets off the bed. I shoved the mattress to the right a little..."say hello to my little friend!" I flushed the bastard into the toilet and shook out all of the sheets.

I still can't get comfortable in my bed. I keep thinking another guy is going to strike. Next time Jeff is writhing in pain I will insist that it is an ingrown toenail!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

art is subjective

Here is my masterpiece...pretty generic,looks like a 12 year old did it. Art is not my forte'.

Welcome to the Jungle

Jeff and I are both trying to compensate for the house in our own ways. I went to Ross and Tuesday morning and blew some money and then returned everything. Jeff and his friend went to the elusive "plant lady" to get some house plants. Yeah...strange. I had no problem with it until I came home and discovered the jungle that magically appeared. Not a few house plants, not several,... twelve to be exact. ??????????

I am all for a few plants but it is a little excessive.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Blow the dough

My friends and family have been very supportive during my mourning period for the house. I have moved into the next stage of grief, anger. I love my friends, one mentioned that she was sure that the house was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Think Poltergeist...

Since giving up the house I have felt the need to spend money. I wracked up quite a bill at Ross and Tuesday Morning only to feel guilty and return it all. I did decorate the house for fall and that makes me feel better. We cleared out the storage unit and brought everything back to the house. I am staring at well packed boxes of pictures and fine China. I have not decided if I should unpack them or keep them packed up. Basically I am lazy, and am relishing the fact that I am comparatively stress free.

I have not been sleeping well lately last night I was up from 1:00 am to 5:00am. What did I do during those hours? I watched infomercials. My insomnia almost, I repeat almost, lead me to purchase a breast exerciser. ( Scary!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Snot and Dinos

Today we went to the Dinosaur exhibit at our local park. It was really cool. Claire and Ella both have allergy issues and have been warring with the tissues. Claire has decided that a Kleenex is in fact her mortal enemy. Ella felt the need to scream at the top of her lungs, "Claire has snot" the entire 35 minute trail of dinos. Joy.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


I have been, as I mentioned a little off in the emotion department lately. Last night I came home after mom's night out and crawled into bed with Ella. She said, "your home Mommy, I missed you." I told her that I was feeling a little sad. She said, "Why Mommy?" I said, I was sad about having to wait for a new house. So then she said, "Your pretty Mommy, You feel better now?". I was so tickled, I kissed her and hugged her and told her thank you for making me smile. She knew just what to say to make me giggle. Such a sweet,heartfelt moment. We all know that children are little sponges. They figure things out. Today I was a little perturbed with Ella. We were late for the gym and she was doing everything ion her power to take FOREVER! Once in the car, I told her that I was feeling very frustrated with the fact that she was not listening to me. A few minutes later, I saw a shoe fly almost taking out my cup of coffee placed precariously in the cup holder (BTW Ford still has not figured how large a travel cup is!). I snapped and yelled at Ella and told her how angry I was and that it was dangerous to throw things at the driver. She piped up, "Your pretty Mommy... you happy now?" What can I say to that? So Ella has learned that pretty mommy is the magic phrase!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

get a grip!

I feel like I am losing control. I must be PMSing on top of it all. Today after work, I lost it. I went to my favorite boutique, Ross dress for less and saw a few bar stools that would be perfect for my new house. Oh wait, we won't be getting a new house. My current house is still strewn with boxes, packing tape, and sharpie markers. I have not allowed myself to feel anything much about the fact that we are no longer moving and it hit me like a ton of brisks next to the wide array of discount bras. (for those of you blessed with a 32 A, they have a good selection at the moment).

I think I got all of my tears out of the way. Tomorrow, I will start unpacking. I had a Mom's Night Out with a few friends tonight. We met at a local pottery studio. You get a plate or some other ceramic nicknack and paint it. I paid 23 dollars for the experience, which included my masterpiece. It was actually fun, however I don't think if I saw the plate I painted at a store I would pay 23 dollars for it. I am lacking the crafty gene. I can't cut, paint, or glue anything without it looking like a child did it. I'll take a picture of it and post it when I pick it up. I wish I had been drinking wine, so at least I would have an excuse!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Beep Beep toot toot

I had received the book The Gas We Pass from my kind, wonderful, tactful, parents as a joke several Christmas' ago. It is in fact a children's book, that drives home the fact that everybody toots. Jeff thought that it would be a great book to read to the girls. It is now the most requested nighttime book. The girls are very serious about the subject matter. They don't laugh, they crinkle their little foreheads and ponder the enormity of an elephant toot. Tonight, Ella said that her toot smelled like a stunk (skunk). Then she began talking about who toots the most and determined that it was her sister Claire. Ella LOVES to blame everything on her poor little sister. I need to inform her that blaming it on the dog will suit her better later in life. Pretty soon Claire will be calling her out!

Monday, September 15, 2008

How is it working for ya?

Occasionally I score teacher certification tests with a company in town. I am scheduled to work for the next three days. You may think that it sounds interesting...not so much. I think I would rather sit through a GYN appointment than read through 50 or so essays. It is across town so I have to drive about 35 minutes to get there. Getting home is the problem , it takes a good 45 minutes. I was stuck in traffic not moving, but it was a beautiful fall feeling day. It was overcast and about 80 degrees. Bliss! My sunroof was open, the windows were down, I was zoning out listening to NPR. Calm, relaxed, and then I hear it,the dreaded cat call. I trained my eyes on the car in front of me, afraid to look at the large semi next to me. Then I hear, "Hey pretty lady, I love red hair." I figured that I shouldn't be too rude and flashed him a quick smile, thinking that this would end the one sided flirting(?). Apparently, this was just the encouragement that he needed. There were yips, more cat calls, and flapping of the tongue. Could possibly the traffic finally move...please? Oh, no according to the radio there was an accident a mile or two up the road. From my peripheral line of sight, I think that I may have seen a very crude gesture. I rolled up my windows and pretended to talk to the phone. I really wanted to say," this method of flirting working for you? Really, I mean statistically, how many women have you convinced through your unconventional methods to pull over and make mad passionate love to you? I'm just saying...perhaps you want to ponder the success of your tactics thus far and try something a little bit more subtle."

Sunday, September 14, 2008


After having a pity party over the house I checked my email. My friend had finally sent me the photos that she took while we were in Vegas. For some unknown reason, I had never really seen myself in my new sunglasses. The photos made me cringe. I put my glasses on when I head out the door, not when I am peeking at myself in the mirror. My favorite sunglasses were "loved" on by my one year old. She apparently was curious how much plastic could bend. She found out that indeed, it can bend and shock of all shocks, eventually snap. Several weeks ago, I went to the hippest store in town to replace them. Who knew Walmart carried JLo sunglasses. Granted I had not heard much about her since the Bennifer days, but they sounded cooler than TrueValue. They looked, OK...big glasses are in , I think. Bonus only 9.99.

Newsflash: Jlo = not cool
Large frame Walmart 9.99 sunglasses not so good on a small head.

Know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away

I had my training in Dallas. During the training, I came to the realization that this was not the job for me. The position was a local coordinator for an Au Pair agency. It sounded really good on the surface, but then the trainer several times mentioned being a "paid volunteer". At this time in my life, I cannot put forth effort for a company unless I am getting compensated. I was a teacher for 8 years and was never being compensated enough for all of the hours I put in, but it was for the greater common good. I suppose I wouldn't mind getting paid pennies, if it were for something that I felt passionate about, something that helped the community. I came home last night feeling a little bit dejected about this whole part time work thing. I cannot seem to find the right thing. Jeff and I had a long talk about this new house that we are in the process of building.

We both think that the best thing to do is to get out of it. We will be out some money, but it would probably be best in the long run. We have 2 years until we really need to get out of our neighborhood. The cost of the house is ballooning and we are dealing with a less than scrupulous sales guy. We agreed on a price for the house, but every week we get a call, oh we forgot to charge you for this and that. It just doesn't feel right. Jeff is going today to see how much money we will be out if we cancel the deal. I guess if it is too much we might have to go ahead regardless of our concerns. It SUCKS being an adult!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

IKE... you son of a beach!

It is so sad watching IKE take out Galveston. Just last May, our local MOM's club went to a fantastic beach house in Galveston for a mini vacation. I know that house is now gone. Just a little side note, what is it with all of the idiots not evacuating. They say 40% refused to get out, even with the warning of certain death. The people in the photo I attached said that they were going to ride out the storm with a few drinks. What the hell??? OK Darwin work your magic.

As far as I know, I am still leaving for Dallas tomorrow and boarding my plane at 6:45 am. I am scheduled to come back in the evening. I have my carry on packed just in case I have to stay overnight. Secretly, I am hoping my flight gets canceled so I can be alone in a hotel room. Alone!! I don't remember when I was alone for any length of time. My husband works from home, I am a stay at home mom, my kiddos are always with me. If my flight gets canceled, I am buying a glass of wine, putting my feet up and watching a chick flick on TV. I will be in control of the remote. Bliss!

Hearding Cats

I took a break from watching the news to go through some more photos. Ike is approaching, all schools are closing early, and our roadways are packed as evacuees are heading here to wait out the storm. What am I planning to do? I am flying out tomorrow morning for training for a new job. It is just a one day training, fly up and back, I should be home by 8:00pm. Nice... I am almost betting that the flight will be delayed or canceled. It can be a bright sunny day and we have flights canceled!

Here are a few pictures that were taken. It is almost impossible to take a picture with both of the girls. One is cute, the other is running off. Thank goodness for digital cameras!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Ike Ike Baby!

The news is preaching doom and gloom. Our local news has put together a very chilling musical montage as the words IKE flash across the screen in large black letters. The local meteorologists have apparently been drinking gallons of coffee and are breathless with excitement as they discuss the worst case scenarios. It seems to me, that they are trying very hard to disguise the glee sneaking into their voices. They live for this stuff. No one really cares about the poor schmuck giving us our usual forecast, hot and sunny , until...dun dun dun... IKE. The storm team is scurrying around, chomping at the bit. They have their rain coats, hats, and galoshes on call. They cannot wait to be the guy/gal standing in torrential rain for a live shot. "Well Mary, as you can see it is really raining here, the wind is picking up." Thanks for that update Bill, who would have thought rain and wind in a hurricane...

Sorry for the sarcasm, but we have been hearing about IKE non stop. My husband is thrilled about the possible destruction and is glued to the news. It must be a guy thing. He was getting excited about IKE until the UT game was rescheduled. Now Ike is not his friend. Ike Ike baby!!

On a stick

We went to the MN state fair a few weeks ago and I finally got a few pictures from my brother. If you have ever wanted to go to a fair MN is the best! They even have sculptures made out of butter. (see photo) MN fair is know for everything on a stick. The new food this year was "Pig Lickers". What is that you ask??? Dark chocolate covered bacon. Not piping hot, but cold out of the cooler. Yes, we did try it and it is just as it sounds... DISGUSTING. Here are a few more foods on a stick at the fair:
Alligator Sausage on-a-stick
Bacon Wrapped Turkey Tenderloin on-a-stick
Butterscotch Cake on-a-stick
Candy Bars (deep fried) on-a-stick
Cheese on-a-stick
Chocolate Chip Cookies on-a-stick
Chocolate Covered Bananas on-a-stick
Chocolate Covered Cheese Cake on-a-stick
Chocolate Dipped Nut Roll on-a-stick
Coffee (frozen) on-a-stick
Corned Beef and Cabbage on-a-stick
Dessert Dumplings on-a-stick
Fried Fruit on-a-stick
Fried JalapeƱo Pepper Cheese on-a-stick
Fried Swiss Cheese on-a-stick
Fudge puppies on-a-stick
Key Lime Pie Dipped in Chocolate (frozen) on-a-stick
Macaroni & Cheese on-a-stick
Meatballs on-a-stick
Pickles (deep fried) on-a-stick
Pizza on-a-stick
Pork Chops on-a-stick
Rueben Dog on-a-stick
Salmon on-a-stick
Scallops on-a-stick
Scones on-a-stick
Scotch Eggs on-a-stick
Sloppy Joes on-a-stick
Spaghetti & Meatballs on-a-stick
Spudsters on-a-stick
Wild Rice Corndog on-a-stick
Walleye on-a-stick

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Stop... Potty Time

I have never been a fan of public restrooms. I try to hold it as long as possible. My mantra when I have to use them is..Hover, Hover, Hover. I am proud to say, because of this my thighs are a little less jiggly, a mini workout of sorts. My aversion to public restrooms is being challenged by my 2 1/2 year old daughter who is thrilled with the idea of doing her business in a new place. I would much rather change a diaper in the back of the car than venture into the gas station restroom, you know the one that you have to ask for the super sacred KEY for. NASTY. I knew that potty training was hard, but I think the word that should be stressed is inconvenient. We just order food at a restaurant...stop,potty time, we are at a state fair...stop potty time, there are only porta potties available...stop, potty time. On a positive note, I have finally trained Ella to put her hands on her knees when she goes potty. For a while she would keep asking, "Is this dirty Mommy?" I would of course cringe and say "yes sweetie it is very dirty." She would smile at me and then touch the seat and say "yucky, dirty, I have to wash my hands".

Monday, September 8, 2008

My Quirks

So one of my friends has a blog and she asked everyone to confess 6 quirks:

1. I am borderline OC with the vacuum cleaner. Yes, I vacuum about 2 times everyday. I was never like this in college but once we bought our house something snapped. Anything on the carpet and I feel my heart start to race and I run to grab my Dyson.
2. I have an aversion to completely closing caps on bottles. For some strange reason I can't completely close bottles. I like to just gently lay the tops on. This has let to many accidents. If Jeff and I ever get divorced, this will be one of the reasons why!
3. Stink. I should have stock in the darn plug ins. I can't stand stinky stuff, so I get crazy with the fragrance fresheners.
4. Dirty feet. My husband claims that he is from Kentucky therefore he can walk everywhere without shoes. No shoes = Nasty dirty feet.
5. I hate the sound that pantyhose makes when they are being scratched or rubbed together. Thank God pantyhose are no longer in vogue.
6. The sound of someone clipping their finger/toe nails. I make Jeff cut his nails in the bathroom with the door firmly closed and I turn up loud music downstairs.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Going once going twice....

We have been busy packing. My wonderful, fantastic Mom came over(I hope she reads this) and helped me start the process of packing and staging the house. We convinced Jeff to get a storage unit. Today he made trips to the unit and I cleaned and got rid of clutter. We had an appointment with a Realtor this evening. All I can say is...we are screwed. So much for making much of a profit after closing fees. 22,000 in closing costs. I think I threw up a little in my mouth when they broke the numbers down.

I know the real point of "staging" a house, but it really makes you feel like crap. I thought that I had a little bit of style, until it was pointed out that there is much work to be done. Furniture needs to be moved, pictures taken down, things hidden in the garage. My feelings were a bit shot after the meeting. I must admit this evening I cried a bit, until I had to blow my nose and realized in my attempt to be frugal I bought"sandpaper brand" Kleenex. I can't even have a good cry!!!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Budding Thespian

Wow! All the worlds a stage especially when dealing with two little girls. I am amazed by my 2 1/2 year olds ability to act. Today apparently she became a cripple, her legs wouldn't work when I picked up Claire her little sister. She couldn't bend over to pick up a toy because her fanny hurt. There is ALWAYS something. It would be funny if it was someone else's kiddos. I must have looked like the worst mom this evening when we were leaving a restaurant, and all of a sudden Ella felt her handicap coming on. Her legs were broken, so she had to be carried. "Carry me Mommy, my legs not working... Mommy.. mommy...owwww... my legs" I calmly told her to walk because I had to carry Claire whose shoe was MIA. She screamed, she cried..."I'm sick". I was getting the stink eye from a few people. I could feel my Clinical Prescription Strength Deodorant failing. I caved, and scooped her up and tried hard not to dump her into her car seat. Then in the car, her tears magically dried up and she kept saying, "Why you not talking Mommy??" Umm, perhaps I HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY!!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Claire and Ella's first day of school

Last night our AC went out at about 9:00 pm, so we had to sleep at my parents house. Today both girls were a little sleepy when I took them to their first day of school. Ella moved up a class and Claire is in her first class ever. They both had a ball! They have great teachers. Ohhh...8 hours a week of "me" time. So much for me time, I think I have secured a part time job.

BTW, I knew I married Jeff for a reason, he researched AC units and fixed ours for 27.00. Whoo Hoo!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do!

My Grandmother passed away about a year and a half ago. This was the first time I have visited my Grandfather since her passing. We stayed in the house. It was bitter sweet. Memories were everywhere. We slept infthe guest room, the one that I stayed in as a child. The last day we were there, I was looking at the photos on the wall and all of the antiques, feeling a bit melancholy. I was missing my Grandmother and then I felt something. I can't even describe it, but all of a sudden the antique gramophone began to play. Softly and slowly at first. There was crackling and then a distant sound of big band music. It was playing on its own. My Grandmother never allowed us to touch it, saying that it was her Uncles and very old and valuable. In fact, in my Mother's 40 years of marriage she had never heard it play either. I must admit I was a little on edge. I called downstairs for my brother to come up, after I called for him the music got louder. My brother came in the room and witnessed what was going on. It played for a few more minutes until my brother said, "How do we turn it off?" Just as he uttered those words, the music became softer and softer until it stopped completely. It felt to me, that my Grandmother was reassuring me in some way that she was there. It was such an amazing experience. Had my brother not witnessed it too, I think everyone would be thinking I was blowing smoke. I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Got it

Got my camera back. Here are a few shots. I swear that I was there. Once again I am MIA in family photos!

All here.. almost

WE just got back from our trip. It went smoothly except for the fact that we still don't have our luggage or car seat. American and Northwest have no idea where they are. I have been on the phone for @ 4 hours and there seems to be a lot of pointing fingers. Luckily at the airport they had a loaner car seat otherwise poor Claire would not have had a way home. I have to say the loaner is a lawsuit waiting to happen. The seat wouldn't even buckle properly. I was planning to go to the grocery store with the kiddos, but there is no way I am putting Claire in that seat again. I took some cute pictures that I would love to post, but of course both cameras are in the MIA bags. I am scrounging for clothes to wear, I took all of my semi in style clothes on the trip, so I am left with some nice circa 2000 shorts and tees. I am also mourning the lost of my water bra, I loved that bra...sniff sniff. I have hope that they will find our bags doing endless circles in baggage claim in Dallas.
The flights were uneventful other than that Claire has discovered the thrill of a banshee scream. She loves it. Needless to say two hours of ear piercing banshee from St. Paul to Dallas was not appreciated by the obviously gay couple seated next to us. They glared, they shushed, and they sighed. In Claire's defense she chose to finally fall asleep as we were landing. Literally, as the wheels touched the runway she passed out. I hope one day the couple is blessed with a banshee of there own.