Speed Racer

I went to book club this evening. I was feeling a little emotional and almost didn't go, but I am glad I did. We had a great discussion about the book Nineteen Minutes. We left Starbucks @ 10:00. I pulled up to a stop light in my PAID FOR 1994 Honda accord. I bought this car after college used, it it doesn't scream POS or anything, but is is most certainly not a glam vehicle. I was enjoying the silence as I contemplated some questions brought up in our book group, when I hear the revving of an engine. Out of the corner of my eye I see another Honda circa 1990's. Then I hear some yelling and the engine revs again. I can't help it I peer over into the next lane and a guy rolls down his window and yells, "Honda's Fu$%ing rock...let's race baby!" Seriously??? I am 33 years old and I have two car seats in the back of my car. I politely shook my head and the guy yelled, "Come on Baby!!" At that point, I just stared ahead of me. The guy must be off his rocker thinking that I would waste gas on a race! The light changed to green and the Honda took off, tires squealing. I stepped on my gas and drove 45 mph a few yards down the road to the next red light. Who would have guessed that I was once again sitting next to the speed racer. I couldn't help crack up and say "Dumb Ass" under my breath.

sad

It is sad when your oldest daughter says to you, "Mommy you can lay in my bed tomorrow, only if you are a good girl and follow daddy's directions." Really? I worked today and Jeff watched the girls...he brain washed them!

lonely

You would think having a husband that works from home I would never be lonely. Not the case. The poor guy puts in... I can't count how many hours. I throw food in his hole (office) occasionally. I miss him and he is always here. Strange?? The company he works for is getting their moneys worth from him. I can't remember when he put in a 40 hour work week. I feel guilty feeling sorry for myself, and I know that I should just be grateful that he has a job. I can't imagine what it is like for him to sit in the office from 9:00 am -11:00 pm. No breaks.

Claire is really into her daddy. Ella told her today, "Daddy is working to make money so I can have dance classes." I said, "Hey, Ella Mommy is working so you can have dance classes." She replied, "No you work so you can go to Ross and buy shoes." So not fair, I only bought one pair the past three months and they were 13.00!!!

Cracka saurus

I think every Mother has concerns when it comes to raising a daughter. I may have a unique concern regarding my eldest child, "little Miss crack". It doesn't matter what pants I put on her, her little crack peeks out with the slightest bend of the waist. Granted, it is a cute little vertical smile. I have tried many different pants, cinched them as tight as possible but still... hello crack. I am under the impression that perhaps her crack starts higher than that of the average three year old. Sure it is cute now, but not so much when she is fifteen. I can hear it now...,"hey, little fanny cleavage". I suppose I can only hope that by then high waisted jeans will be back in vogue!

PMS

I am off today. I am angry, sad, and just plain ticked off. I have been eating chocolate like there is no tomorrow. I don't even really like chocolate. I bought 4 Twix bars today, ate three in the car on the way home from the grocery store. I also bought pickles and ate 6 of them. No, I am not pregnant. I have the letters PMS in braille not only on my face, but on my back. GROSS! I tried so hard to be pleasant with the kiddos today. As soon as I came home from picking up Ella at dance class, I morphed into the girl from the Exorcist. My head literally turned all the way around. I wanted to scream and kick something. I am annoyed at everything, poor Jeff. I don't remember having PMS this bad in a while.

I am going to attempt to take a damn calming shower and read a damn book.

Rhyme master

As I have mentioned before, Ella is into rhyming words. Tonight's highlight... "more rhymes with whore".

I took the girls to a story time at a local bookstore and then we had lunch at Wholefoods. The girls played on the playground while I ate the rest of their lunch. On our way back to the car, we saw the Queen of Gossip, Perez Hilton get out of his limo for a book signing. Ohhh... I know you are so impressed!

I also got my hair cut today, it is shorter than I have has my entire life. Not sure if I am feeling it.

metaphore?

Still licking my wounds after the housing debacle, I decided that while the kiddos napped I would ignore all of my chores and enjoy the first day of spring in the backyard. I laid down a soft blanket, got comfortable and started reading a book. Bliss, the birds were singing, there was a light breeze making the 85 degree day perfect. All of a sudden, my olfactories were accosted by an atrocious odor. Our dog, Saddie had taken a giant dump up wind from me. So much for my bliss. I began to wonder if life was telling me something. Just when life seems calm and peaceful, shit happens.

We also went to a friend's house for a playdate today. The girls all had a great time until my youngest decided that it would be fun to discover Vaseline. She had managed to slather herself pretty well by the time Ella came to tell on her. I can't take her anywhere!

Awww hell

Lots like we have to bail on the house. Things are going a bit haywire and the bank has two other offers. I don't understand why I am sitting here tears running down my face, snot dripping, sobbing. I knew all along that this had a good chance of NOT working out. I am not made for the real estate business where you have to take emotion out of everything. My brain over the last few days had placed furniture, painted walls and watched the girls play in the backyard. Yes, I know that it was just not meant to be. Damn it, I am still emotional. I need a drink...or a vacation for my pity party. I will have to convince myself again that the house MUST be built on an ancient burial ground and things were about to go all Poltergeist in it.

Going, going, gone to the highest bidder

Step one...took our offer!! Whoo whoo! I was on such a high yesterday. We got the contract and there is some fairly ambiguous wording that we need clarified. The bank selling the property is really a pain in the rear. God forbid we get any real answers. Reality has set in today and my high is gone, I am just plain scared. The economy is in the toilet and here we are buying a house and renting our other one. Are we dumb or just opportunists? We still have time to back out. Once we get the inspectors report we will know more what we are dealing with.

Last night i went out with a single girlfriend of mine for St. Patrick's Day. I must admit I love St. Patrick's day. I get more high fives, smiles, and winks on that day just because I have red hair and freckles. It is the one day when it is an honor to have red hair and not some freak occurrence in nature.

I was about to give Claire a bath tonight when I had to do a double take after I took off her diaper. Apparently Claire wanted to be "like mommy" and used a marker to give herself a more how should I say...post pubescent appearance. Thank goodness I caught this and bathed her before she went to school. Can you imagine the teacher discovering her artistic crotch masterpiece!

Poo poo

I took the kids to the rodeo today with my mom. What a rip! Parking 6.00 Entry fee 7.00 Chicken on a stick 8.00... melt downs walking to the car priceless. Seriously, why do I even bother sometimes? When I ask the girls what they liked about the Rodeo all that they say is, "The goat pooped, the deer pooped" and then they crack up. We saw pig races for goodness sake and all they thought was cool was the feces.

WE were suppose to hear about the house this afternoon...still nothing. Poop!

white trash neighbor

We are still waiting to hear about the house. Yesterday we took my parents, brother and his fiance to check out the house. Everyone agreed that it was a good deal, but the question is...do we have $$$ to fix it up? How long can we stand the "salmon" colored walls, no light fixtures, and pet stains on the carpet. These things are all fixable. I'm not sure what the neighbors think of us. One of these things is certainly not like the other. Here I am changing Claire's poopy diaper in the back of our 2001 SUV when a brand new Porsche drives by. The look on the drivers face was priceless. The house across the street is for sale for a whopping 735,000! I'm not sure how comfortable I am with being the Clampetts of the neighborhood.

I am suffering through a nasty cold that I have had since Friday. It has moved from my nose and is now giving me the death rattle and the cough of a cigarette addicted elderly woman. We went to see Spamalot last night and I sucked on about 10 cough drops. I'm not dead yet!!

waiting game

Well we were the only ones to make an offer on the house. We will find out on Monday if they will take it. Reality has set in and the emotion is out of the deal. Now it is just plain scary. If they take our offer, we may still have to back out. The taxes are 12,000 a year!!! That adds an extra 1,000 to our monthly payment. Son of a .....

On another note, I was on a website where they asked for word verification in order to prevent spammers from hacking in. The word was SNATCH, I totally cracked up. How old am I???

Could it be?

If it is too good to be true, it usually is. I am hoping however that against all odds things will just fall into place. Tomorrow we are going to make an offer on a house. It is a DEAL, if we can get it. It is a house that went into foreclosure. We went and looked at it. It does have a few minor issues, not all that attractive on the outside, no light fixtures, lightly pinkish paint (I am hoping it was the lighting). It does have a beautiful view, 4 bedrooms, an acre lot, in a nice neighborhood. Although, I'm not sure the neighbors will be too impressed with our 1994 honda accord. I was so excited about it. We drove up and there were already two other people looking at it. They drove a Jaguar and a Lexus SUV. We are putting in an offer tomorrow, but I have a feeling that the owners of the luxury cars may have beaten us to it. The timing isn't perfect, so I will just hope for the best whatever that is.

Wax on Wax off

I wish I was a guy sometimes. If they want to go swimming they just throw on their trunks. We ladies are at such a disadvantage. I would love to take a dip in the pool at the gym, but that requires serious maintenance. Ladies , you know what I mean. You have to weed whack, especially after winter when lets face it, you were fairly maintenance free. After the gym today, I headed home and passed our neighborhood high school. The school has large advertisements from local businesses posted around the fence that faces the street. I understand that this is a way for the school to make money by selling advertising space, but I was a little alarmed by the sign... The waxing Studio...the perfect 15 minute Brazilian. Excuse me..call me a prude, but should we really be advertising a Brazilian on a high school's fence. Are there really high school girls getting the Brazilian? Ewww!! I went to the company's website and read, "The Waxing Studio. We specialize in waxing to the highest professional level, with our true specialty being the more risque, yet very alluring Brazilian wax. In fact, we are the only spa in Austin to dedicate our time and effort in being the best at the Brazilian and the Playboy Wax." Can you imagine some 16 year old girl asking for a Brazilian and then a few weeks later experiencing the "itch". OK , I have never had a Brazilian, but once upon a time I got a little too aggressive maintaining the bikini area. Scratchy,scratchy, itchy, itchy!! I am appalled by the fact that I really want to call the high school and complain. Have I have morphed into "one of those" mom's? I am just thinking, some day my girls will be able to read and they may ask me about the Brazilian...what could I say? Ummm..it is someone from Brazil.

Camp Lame o

I had to work today. I really don't mind it although it does stink to get up at 6:30 on a Saturday. After working 8 hours, I came home to find that today we are camping in the backyard. I am not a camper, I never have been, and probably never will be. I had thought someday I could perhaps try it in the backyard. Jeff decided this was the day and to be honest after working, I was planning on a nice soak in the tub after the kiddos go down. I wanted to finish reading my book. Now I am the lame parent, the kill joy, that is staying in the house while they camp. I hung out for a bit, but I am not not in the mood to do this tonight. I feel like I am missing this first, but I am missing my bath and book more. The mommy guilt is kicking in. Perhaps I will let Jeff have this "first" and I won't worry about it. I have had all of the other "firsts".

Rhyming

Ella has discovered the joy of rhyming. We have been reading some serious Dr. Seuss lately. Last night when I was tucking her into bed she said,"Tuck...Fu#k. She was so proud of herself. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the "f" word is bad. If I would have said it was a bad word, I am sure that she would find ways to bring it up and ask why?

Claire has discovered that she gets a lot of attention by pulling up her shirt and screaming "belly butt". She cracks herself up. I am worried about the teenager years. One child discusses profanity and the other is into flashing!

Cowboy breakfast

Freckles

Being a redhead I have always had freckles, and I have always HATED them. I use to wish I was one of those pale pasty redheads without the curse of the freckle. I have always loved my hair, but my freckles...not so much. They don't bother me in the winter, but if I am out in the sun for any length of time, regardless of the amount to SPF I slather on they get darker. A day at the beach and I really look speckled. I hated the teasing and the nasty looks other children gave me growing up. I thought I was over that, but apparently some of the freckle hater resentment still bubbles to the surface. Today I was enjoying my hour break after working before I picked up the kiddos. I had stopped for a bite to eat and was sitting outside the restaurant enjoying the 75 degree day. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a little girl staring at me. I ignored her at first, but then smiled at her. She grimaced and turned away. She was probably about 6 years old and decked out in boutique wear (you know the animal print, sequins, and ruffle stuff). Her mother and her friends were chatting up a storm about the new Coach purse collection. I was eavesdropping a bit I must admit. I took a bite of my sandwich and look up and there was Little Miss Boutique about 3 inches from me staring. I smiled again and said hello. She scurried off, and attempted to get her mother's attention. When she was finally successful she piped up in a shrill little voice, "What is wrong with that ladies face??"
" I don't know, she probably has some condition or something", the mother replied without even glancing at me. My inner bitch was seriously attempting to come out. Once again, I looked up after taking a bite of my sandwich and saw the little girl inches from my face. So I told her in a very sweet way, "I have freckles on my face and my arms. I like to call them angel kisses." This seemed to satisfy her curiosity. She spent the next few minutes discovering that she had three angel kisses. She walked over to her mom and studied her, while she was engrossed in a heated debate over shoulder pads. The mother finally sick of being stared at said, "What?" The little girl replied, "Mom, angels don't like you at all!" I couldn't help it, I started to giggle. The woman shot me an evil glance. I just shrugged my shoulders and gleefully finished my sandwich. Thanks Little Miss Boutique girl!!

Donkey

The other night I attend a mommy blogger party. It was great! Let me start this post by saying that I am embarrassed to admit that I have a serious addiction to free stuff. Seriously, I have been signing up for so much free crap in the past several months it is unreal. I love going to the mailbox now. I insert in the key twist it and surprise, a mini box of cereal, a tampon, and a bill. So it appears that my new found addiction to free, has caused me some problems. I went to the blogger party and brought my biggest fan with me. OK she is just one of my best friends, but on her name tag she graciously wrote Melissa's biggest fan. awww... I was doing good, networking, chatting and then I discovered the wine box in the corner of the room. It was not just a wine box, but a free wine box. Score. We were going to go dancing at one of the clubs downtown following the party, so I figured, hey I won't have to spend a dime tonight. I will drink a few glasses of vino and then hit the dance floor. Then it happened...I morphed from a sweet, semi chatty gal into the annoying girl making a donkey out of herself. A well known author was there and I felt the need to blab way too much about my personal life and show her my silicone boobie "cutlets" that were hidden in my bra. I feel like such a douche. I found the organizer of the party and gushed about how great it was...esp. the free wine. I thought I was so witty, the other girls were laughing at my jokes and comments. After reflecting on the evening, they were not laughing with me, but at me which they had every right to do. So I am feeling like a total idiot. I will never drink free red wine again... now a free martini, tempting.