Walmart and motherhood

The other day I had a low parenting moment. I happen to believe that on most days I am a really good mommy. On some days however; I sob at night thinking about my day. A week ago I had one of those days. I should have known it was going to be a bad day, when the girls had a melt down going in to the gym, and then again when I picked them up. I should not have pushed it, but I had errands to run. Super Walmart was front and center on my list. As a parent you know that Nordstrom's is not the place for two little ones on the verge of melt downs, but Walmart... now, Walmart you have a little leeway. I know it is bad to judge, but I have seen some pretty piss poor parenting at the Walmart, where shoes after 5:00 are optional. There always seems to be announcement about a lost child. I figured that we would be in and out and a little "drama" would not be the end of the world. It was close to the end of the world. Claire hurtled herself out of the shopping cart and took off. I had to run after her and scoop up her skinny little 25 pound rear. I gently thrust-ed her into the cart seat and buckled her in. Ella was being great and then out of the blue she decided to throw a fit about the kind of fruit snacks I was planning on buying. What the heck? I walked down the aisle to grab something else and saw her launch about 10 boxes of her favorite snack into the card. Claire is just cracking up. Son of a &*($@!! I got on her level and attempted to talk to her about it...who am I kidding, I probably yelled just a bit. At that moment, little Miss Houdini managed to escape. The shopping trip ended with both kids sitting in time out facing the depends boxes. It was the least populated aisle. So yes, I am a WALMART SHOPPER!!

I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody

"I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am." I am being inducted into society for key woman educators in October. The other day I attended a introduction meeting. I knew that this was quite an honor and I went into the meeting pulsating with self esteem only to be shot down, my confidence withering as it went splat on the concrete floor. There is noting quite like introducing your self after five amazingly impressive women with PHd's and honors up the wazoo. My turn...."I am taking a break to stay at home with my kiddos, but I am very passionate about education." My honors and glory are years old, I am not use to feeling like I am at the bottom on the barrel. I cried on the way home and then my hubby made me a great drink. Love my hubby always knows what to do!!

Hootchie Mama

Who wears short shorts...mommy wears short shorts. I met a friend for a play date today and I was appalled by the length of my shorts. Perhaps I have become Elasti- girl and my legs have gotten longer?? I purchased them at Old Navy this spring and I swear I don't recall them being this short. Daisy Dukes are not attractive on a 34 year old mommy, esp. a mommy that has been meaning to buy a new razor. So my dear friend, I sincerely apologize for exposing you and your children to my pasty white, unshaven legs.

Wits end

My IBS has "reared" its ugly head again, this time it invited Mr. Migraine to join the party. Yeah! There is nothing like teaching a bunch of four olds and having to rush out to the bathroom. One of my students enthusiastically questioned me about my wiping ability and the professed the benefits of a good moist wipe. Potty talk is always a favorite topic amongst the preschool set.

I have spent the last several hours rushing to the bathroom and staring at a computer screen looking for a place to stay at the beach at the end of September. When advertising a beach condo or house, the main picture should NOT be a photo of a nautical shower curtain. I don't care how jaunty the curtain is... you are not winning me over.

I am watching the clock dreading the 5:00 hour, time for Ella's swim class. That child has the uncanny ability to formulate a fairly impressive list of excuses from a scratch on her leg which causes unexplained immobility, to the fact that her hair hurts so she can't possibly swim.

Sweet Punishment

Our local gym is giving away free copies of a Harlequin romance novel in the locker room. After I changed the girls out of their swim suits, Ella ran over to the books and grabbed one. She can't read yet so I thought...what is the harm?? This romance paperback novel features a swarthy man, dripping with passion and a "do me" expression on the cover is now Ella's new favorite thing. She wants to take the darn thing everywhere. There is nothing like walking into Nordstrom's with your 3 year old clinging to soft porn. She is looking for letters, commenting on the page numbers and making up her own stories which have nothing to do with the hunk on the front cover. In the car today, she was "reading" a part of the book where bunnies and butterflies were playing a game in the garden. Little did she know, that the passage that she may have been reading was describing a far different game. Perhaps hide the sausage?

Priceless Picking

Flower-girl dress 65.00
Wide width shoes 45.00
Fluffy socks 5.00

Blackmail photo....Priceless

Super Why meets Donkey

I have always considered myself an intelligent person. I am college educated and have a passion for learning new things. Yes, I guess that I would describe myself as a pretty smart cookie. That was until my three and a half year old daughter discovered the word..."WHY??". The questions started off fairly easy, but now not so much. I am feeling a little dumber every day. I do thank Google for helping me answer the never ending questions. Today's random question, "Do birds toot?".

Wax on Wax off

I do know better, I really do, but I couldn't pass up the 8 dollar eyebrow wax. There is a little shop two doors down from my job that I have been meaning to try. In the past I have spend the big bucks at the gym's spa. 20.00 brow wax with the brow guru. For 20.00 I get a perfect brow, no break outs, soothing music and a short face massage. For 8.00, I got the following:
1. Go to the empty room at the back of the store which smelled like a bad perm. Wait for 5 minutes.
2. Sit through a lecture informing me that I should in fact...Wax my arms, wax my forehead, and my lip. What the heck...I am not a chea pet!
3. After politely refusing excess hair removal, my brow and FOREHEAD is aggressively waxed.
4. Wiping tears from my eyes, I am asked if I would like to bleach my skin to look less "spotty". They are called freckles, I kindly informed the woman and I rather like them. "Oh...but they are so dark" she responds. "lighter would look so much more beautiful."

So for 8.00 I have a hairless forehead, irritated skin,and a SPOT complex.

Learning to fly

We have been hanging out at the pool since it is been so darn hot. I love watching my girls play with their daddy. I remember when my dad use to toss me up in the air. Does anyone remember doing the Nestea Plunge?? Ahhh.. memories!