things that make you go hmmmm

Ok , so I went to the store to get some feminine hygiene products. I am going to the beach this weekend so Auntie Flow just HAD to make a visit... figures. Anyway I was walking down the aisle looking for my supers, when I noticed the douche products. Curiosity FORCED me to read some of the boxes the following are some of the scents offered.

• Extra Cleansing Vinegar & Water
• Vinegar & Water
• Fresh Scent
• Tropical Rain^®
• Island Splash^®
• Sweet Romance^®

Just wondering who really wants to smell like Island Splash or Tropical rain??? Makes you think the next time you get a random whiff of coconut!

Beauty and the creepy married guy

On Friday, I went out with one of my friends to a Texas Exes happy hour downtown. We had a great time dancing the night away. It is a whole other world, when you go out as Sadie, Sadie, Married lady. I must admit that I am so glad that I am no longer single, it is slim pickings out there and I can't compete with a size d chest in a tube top.

Crazy enough, I was in fact hit on. We were standing at the bar in this ultra trendy club that has real sharks swimming under the Plexiglases dance floor. Sea world for adults. So, this guy walks by and truth be told I do get a little snarky when I have a drink. My girlfriend I were giggling at the fact that this guy thought his poop didn't stink, and that he really was the spitting image of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Well, Gaston took my smile to mean come on over. Over he came with his friend. I checked for rings, my single friend does not need anyone with baggage. Gaston had one, his friend did not. So, the singles began to chat and us married folks chatted as well. We talked about our kids, our significant others. I discovered his wife was an attorney and that he had a one year old son.

He was creeping me out, you know the type... leaning in when he spoke, the wandering eye. Little naive me, thought well... he is just as my friend put it, "Creepy Married Man". When I left to go to the restroom, he had the nerve to ask my friend if I was interested in him. I could not believe it, we just talked about his kid, his wife!!!! Ewww! What a jerk! His poor wife!

When I got home that night, I thanked my husband for being so great and then I HAD to look this guys wife up. He had told me so much info about her, sure enough I found her a cute young blond. Beauty and the Beast!

Random Commentary

Are there something that you just HAVE to buy name brand? I use to always buy my foundation at Macy's, it was more pricey than the grocery store brands, but somethings are just worth it. this experience proves my point.

About a month ago, I realized that I was running low on foundation, but truth be told I really did not want to make the trip out to the mall with the girls, and I was looking to save a few extra dollars. I went to the grocery store sans kids one evening on my quest for reasonably priced makeup. The aisle was filled with all kinds of brands promising everything from clear skin to wrinkle resistance. Which did I chose? The brand that had a coupon stuck to it naturally. $2.00 off, can't beat that.

How in the heck do you pick your color with out trying it on your wrist. At the mall an "expert, (usually a heavily made up women wearing the most unnatural color of eye makeup) color matches your skin. I figure I have red hair, I am fair skinned, I burn therefore the fair /nude color should be perfect. I got the bottle home and after one application realize that the color really needs to be renamed geisha. I stared at my unnaturally white skin. So, what do I do now? Can't return it, and if I buy another color I will be spending just as much as I would on the good stuff. Suggestions???

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Walking Target

Is it just me, or are you often shocked by the amount of money that you spend at Target. These people are marketing geniuses. Walk into any Target mid morning on a school day, and all you will see are moms meandering through the aisles with their small children. Granted, the age of the kiddos truly determines the pace. If a cart passes by you at warped speed, you can be rest assured that she has a two or three year old on the verge of melt down. Target has their niche figured out. For those moments when your child is sick of shopping...TADDA..."THE DOLLAR BINS". Yes, we all know that it is really just cheap crap from China, but IT IS ONLY A DOLLAR!!

As you walk through the sea of makeup and greeting cards it is hard not to hear, "if you sit still and let mommy shop you can pick something from the dollar bin". This mere phrase seems to mollify even the grumpiest toddler.

FIERCE!!

Here is a picture of my friend and I meeting Tim Gunn. I was sporting a dress that was two years old. He didn't say a thing. Whoo Hoo! Let me tell you ladies, this guy is so adorable. I only wish that he could be my personal stylist!

Drama Queen in Training

So yesterday I picked up Ella from MMO and the teacher said that Ella was the class drama queen. I wasn't sure if I should giggle at that remark or if it was something that I was suppose to work on at home. Is this a bad thing or something that is a passing phase. I decided to go straight to the source the dictionary.

dra·ma queen (plural dra·ma queens)
noun
Definition:
melodramatic person: somebody who likes to make a drama out of a situation by acting in an emotional way : a person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions

Hmmmm:
I prefer to define a “drama queen” as someone who is very passionate about how she feels and communicates this exuberance in a magnified way that can be out-of-proportion to the situation at-hand. How’s that for a politically correct definition?!

I actually found a website that discussed ways to calm your inner drama queen, try explaining them to a toddler!!!

the phantom finger

Claire is now walking across rooms. When she walks, she has to hold up one clenched fist in the air. We call this the phantom finger grip. It is really cute!

We had a great Sunday celebrating my parents 39th anniversary. They came over to our house for brunch and played with the kiddos. My mother just got back from a girls trip to Disney World and brought Ella and Claire Minny Mouse hats. I can't wait to show the girls the magic of Disney, but I think we will wait until they are 3 and 4.

Yeah!

Things are great! I co-hosted a fab bridal shower at my house. It went on without a hitch. I don't know what it is but I really get worked up about entertaining. So much so, that it is no longer fun for me. I really need to work on that, but I am the daughter of the world's best party hostess. My mother pulls off fabulous events, it is a hard act to follow. I fear that despite my best efforts, I still fall short.

Thank goodness for great friends however; one of my friends offered to watch Ella Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon. She has two kiddos as well. Her little boy is Ella's age and is such a charmer. He and Ella get along so well. She absolutely adores him. Is it too soon to be planning for their future together?

On another note, on Friday it really dawned on me that I am such a mom. I was stuck in traffic as the local high school was dismissing their students. I watched the boys sulk along,their shaggy hair framing their faces. I was impress by their attire, no droopy drawers, mostly polo shirts. Then a group of girls sauntered past my window. I don't think that I have worn that much makeup in a span of an entire month! I KNOW girls in my day were not nearly as ...um, voluptuous. A girl shimmed between my car and the car in front of mine. I had to bite my tongue from yelling out my car window, "You know tight jeans can cause yeast infections"

That is when I realized that I may never be "the cool mom". I will be just like my mom. I have two girls and all I can say I hope there is a resurgence of the late eighties fashions when they are in high school. The giant hypercolor shirt was in. The cool shirts were size large regardless if your true size was a small. The bigger and baggier the clothes, the better. Ahhh.. I can smell the salon selectives... The attached photo is from my 15th birthday, check out the leggings and big painted shirts. What is old is new again, I think I saw this outfit in in style magazine.

Your fired

Stay at home Mom's, have you ever had a day that you thought, if this were a paid job I think I would be fired or at least on probation? I had one of those times this morning. I decided not to go to the gym since Claire was still coughing. We went to Target because they were having a sale on diapers.

It was nearing melt down mode, but I was making good time. The items were on the conveyor belt, and coupons were in my hand. The clerk tells me my total. I reach in my purse to pull out my wallet. Not there...I had left it in the car. In that instant, things went down hill fast. I looked at my girls, Claire had a snot bubble and was wailing, Ella was whining for "veggie chips". WE had to get out of there fast! I apologized to the clerk and told her to forget the whole transaction. I wouldn't say the look on her face was friendly. I wheeled the kiddos out of the store at a pretty impressive pace, muttering words under my breath. I park the shopping cart get the kiddos in the car and head for home feeling like a real idiot. At the stop light, I look for my purse. It dawns on me, that I have left it in the cart in the Target parking lot. I literally feel like throwing up at this point. My hands are shaky, I am thinking about canceling credit cards, getting a new drivers license, my good lipstick... I pull up to the cart. No purse. A long line of curse words flew out of my mouth. Then I remember my two year old "parrot" is in the back seat. With shaky hands I pull the girls out of their car seats. Claire is really screaming at this point and Ella is yelling, "mommy lost it, mommy lost it." Perceptive isn't she...
The only person in the customer service area was the clerk that had dealt with me earlier that morning. I held my breath as she looked around for my big green purse and found it! She gave it it to me with a look that could only be perceived as disgust. I expected her to point at me with her manicured florescent orange nails and utter the dreaded words, "Your Fired". At this point, I quit.

Poor Claire

Little Claire has an ear infection/sinus infection and is getting in three new teeth. She is miserable. She also has a pathetic little cough. She has been crying non stop for the past two days. Thank Goodness for my husbands killer martini!

Shhh !

Well, today I went to the gym for my hip hop class. The young thing that was snickering about my panty lines a few weeks ago commented on my ability to shake it. I think secretly she was trying to make amends for her comments that I overheard. Whoo Hoo I still have moves!

After the gym, we headed over to the library to return some books. I always let Ella check out two, one for her and one for her sister. She was excited and skipped/ tripped her way into the building. Claire was in her stroller, I have found that at 14 months she does not want to be carried and always tries to squirm her way out of my arms. So anyway, Ella turned in the books and I thought that before picking out any books I would check out the CD selection. I was trying to find some nice music to play for the bridal shower. The CD area is near the computer station. The computer stations are always busy in the afternoon. I quickly read over a few of the titles. Claire begins to pull several of them off of the shelf. This is not working...now Ella decides to join in. CDs are tumbling to the floor, who knew how loud a dropped CD could be! A little old lady near the magazines was giving me the stink eye. I decided that it was time to nip this in the bud. I stop to reprimand Ella, when she lets out a blood curdling scream. Mariah Carey would have been impressed.

I glance around mortified, just in time to see a spread eagled nude woman gyrating on the computer screen in front of me. The guy who had been surfing the site is just staring at me as if to say do you mind, I was concentrating here. I try to flee the scene. The last thing I want is to have Ella see the woman riling in ecstasy and have her cry out, "Look Mommy Nepals!"

Claire starts pulling off more CDs and I am almost throwing them back on the shelf. Ella is wailing, "Sorry Mommy, Sorry Mommy". The computer guy glares at me and returns to his "job".

So much for a simple trip to the library.

The picture I posted is a risqué picture of Claire courtesy of her father. Why is it so funny when little ones put balls down their shirts???

Tune OUT tokyo

One of the benefits of being a mother of two is the ability to tune things out. This afternoon some major drama ensued over a free HEB balloon. Claire and I picked one up today at HEB after going to the doctor. Yes, another ear/sinus infection.

Ella assumed that it must be hers since she is the official family balloon connoisseur. She is the first one consulted when selecting a color. I did not realize that there was such a thing as toddler cat fight, or I suppose I should say kitty fight. WOW impressive!

On another note I have secured a spot for the fashion show with Tim Gunn, Project Runway's co-host and Liz Claiborne Chief Creative Officer at our local mall. It is suppose to be a mother's day show. I'm thinking of wearing a paper bag to the event, since I have no idea what is in style and the last thing I want him to say is, "The whole thing looks like faux bois." Yeah, I'm not to sure what the heck it means, but it doesn't sound good.

serenity now

I've found it! "Attract attention in our sexy enhancer bra tops. They offer additional cleavage and give your bust that little something extra." I have opted for the enhancer bikini top. I found one on clearance at venus.com. For nine dollars I will see if it really enhances. I don't know about you but I wish that I could buy patience enhancers somewhere. I would even pay full price for something that would remind me to breath and blow things off. I am amazed how my two year old is able to push my buttons in just the right order. I really do try to step back, but sometimes...

On Friday, we had a gust speaker at MOPS that talked about her two sons 16 months apart with autism. It really made me think about how lucky I am, and how much I love my little girls. My heart was filled with love and appreciation when I left the meeting with my girls. I thought we could run quick to central market, I needed to price out some desserts and buy a few things. I got them in the cart for two, we were all smiles and giggles, blissfully happy with the free balloons, and samples. We were almost done perusing the bake goods area, savoring the crumbs from the sample treats when I noticed, Ella's shoe had fallen off. I took a deep breath and went in search of the renegade pink generic croc. I discovered it in the meat department under someones shopping cart. At this point, the girls are nearing the dreaded wall. You know the one that once kids hit, it is all down hill.

We are almost to the front of the line when I notice Ella has lost her shoe...AGAIN. I back the cart out of the line (we got one of those super carts for two kiddos that smell like feet and always have a bum wheel) accidentally knock over a flower display, make a few quick apologies and then race through the store attempting not to cause any more damage. By now, Ella is pulling on her sister's shirt, Claire has pulled out all her hair accessories and is screaming. I finally see the little pink shoe wedged under the sample table. I scoop it up just in time to see that Ella has managed to unbuckle her restraint. She is attempting a Houdini like maneuver, only to discover that her foot with a shoe on is stuck. She is flapping around like a fish out of water. I "gently" stick her back in the cart and head back to the line only to realize that while Ella was practicing to be a contortionist, Claire has decided that she likes the cart better without food. I am missing about a third of my items. By this time, the line has gotten longer. Ella is now barefoot, her shoes safely tucked away in my purse. Sweat has now beaded on my brown and I catch a familiar whiff of something...ahhh.. I knew that I forgot something this morning, deodorant.

This is a sign. I pull the kiddos out of the cart and abandon it, this ship is sunk. As I am carrying two crying children out, I glance to the left and notice two ladies sitting at the outdoor cafe sipping on a glass of chilled white wine and nibbling on what appeared to be some exotic salad. Deep breath, I repeat my mantra, I am lucky, I have a wonderful life. Patience enhancer where are you!! SERENITY NOW, Sanity later.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5513mXmQbw4

Not again!

Claire has had a little cough for a few days now, nothing serious but she woke up with a fever after her morning nap. Back to the doctor... I think she has an ear infection on top of everything. This was my weekend to get stuff done, foiled again!! I am hosting a bridal shower for one of my friends next weekend. What happened to me I have become so neurotic about everything lately, ok since having kiddos. Sometimes I can't recognize myself. There was a time when I was spontaneous, but spontaneity takes way too much planning with two kids.

Claire just got up, gotta go!

Self Tanner Phobia

I have tried on a total of one swim suit in my recent quest. It was just too depressing. It wasn't just the fact that the size small top was not small enough for my chest, it was the fact that I am so pale. Pale is such a nice way of putting the fact that the color of my legs resembles the white out bottle on my desk.

I am a natural redhead, pale and freckles are a part of the package. I do not tan, I burn. I am in a constant state of fear of skin cancer. I would never step foot in a tanning salon, but I would try sunless tanner. I must admit however; that I have a self tanner phobia. This stems from the summer of 1986.

I was in 7th grader at Del Robbison Junior High in Las Vegas. The kids on the honor roll were being rewarded with a trip to Wet & Wild, a water park on the strip. A few weeks prior, my mother had allowed me to buy my first bikini. It was a glorious shade of florescent orange with ruffles. The ruffles helped hide the fact that I was still far from developing. I felt great in my new swim suit. At school the girls were all a twitter, discussing their swim suits. One of my friends bragged about the fact that she had already started laying out to get her base tan. After school I rushed home to start on my base tan too. I put on my bikini and stared at myself in the mirror in horror. Florescent orange on a florescent white body, I was doomed. There was hope... my mother had recently purchase a tube of the "new sunless tanner". Bain de Soleil was one of the only ones on the market at that time and it was fairly pricey. My mother promised that she would help put the lotion on before the trip. This eased my mind, I too would have a tan just in time to hit the man made beach.

The day before the trip I kept pestering my mother to help me with the lotion. She said that she would get to it sometime that evening. Patience is not a virtue for a thirteen year old. While my mother was cooking dinner I went to her bathroom and took out the Bain de Soleil. My tan was in my fingertips. I squeezed out the fowl smelling white lotion and began to apply it all over my body. There were directions on the tube, but I knew how to put lotion.

A few hours later my mother told me that she could help me with the lotion now. She did a double take and started to giggle. The giggle got louder and louder until she had tears welling up in her eyes. Once she calmed down she asked, "did you use my Bain de Soleil without me? Common sense would have told me to fess up, but common sense is rare in a thirteen year old. I rolled my eyes and replied, "no". My mother said well do me a favor and check yourself out in the mirror.

I rushed to the mirror and looking back at me was an orange ompalompa. I pulled off my clothes and saw orange hand prints,streaks,and spots. In a dead pan voice my mother asked one more time, "are you sure that you didn't use my Bain de Soleil ?" I was caught orange handed literally. I spent the rest of the evening trying to scrub off the orange, I rubbed my skin raw, but it was no use.

The next morning, I announced to my mother that I was simply not going to the water park. She replied, "oh , yes you are." I managed to survive the embarrassment of the water park, but to this day I am terrified of becoming orange again. The formulas are so much better now, I know.

I learned a lesson that fateful day in 1986, sometimes mothers do get the last laugh.

getting to know you...

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I forgot what a cool, handsome guy my husband is. With two kiddos, ages one and two we really never get a chance to sit and talk. It will be 6 years of marriage in May and I still learned a few things that I did not know about him. WE had a wonderful time. I will write more about it tomorrow.

Its getting hot in here...

Today was a very busy day. One of my friends scheduled a visit to the fire station for our MOM's club. Ella was enthralled. In every picture I took, she looks so serious. Claire was so upset that she couldn't walk around with the big kids. Ella had a great time, I on the other hand spent the whole time trying to keep Claire occupied. For all of my hard work, what I got in return was a temper tantrum in the car, a poopy diaper blow out, and a bottle of milk in the head. Joy.

This evening we joined some friends for dinner at a sushi restaurant WITH the kids. There were 6 kids total. The seasoned parents brought chicken nuggets, and peas for all of the kiddos to share. I brought puffed veggie sticks that Ella kept calling Cheetos. The girls finished the whole can, once again I looked like Mother of the year...

When can will we ever be able to go to dinner with both of the girls and enjoy ourselves? It was so stressful. Claire started throwing her food, Ella screamed that her diaper was wet, Jeff and I were lucky to say two or three sentences to anyone without being interrupted.

On a positive note, we are going to a B&B this weekend to get away. I can't imagine riding in a car without the incessant talking of a two year old. No diapers, no tantrums...bliss!!

Nepal

Ella is all about asking, "What's that?" She is very curious about everything. The other day my husband was walking around without a shirt. Ella pointed to his chest , and asked, "What's that?" Jeff replied, "That's Daddy's nipple, you have some too." She lifted up her shirt and was excited because she too had some"Nepals". (gotta love a two year olds pronunciation) She began to go through out the house in search of "Nepals". She noticed that daddy's "Nepal's Fuzzy". She innocently walked up to me while I was on the phone, and demanded to to see my "Napals". Try to explain that one to Wells Fargo on the line!

The picture attached is not my "Napal".

The Hunt Begins...

Yes, it is that dreaded time of the year again...the hunt for a swim suit. The mere thought of it turns my stomach. The three way mirrors, the "hygienic" sticker on the crotch, trying to cram your underwear into the bottom half of the suit. YUCK! After my last swim suit experience a few weeks ago, I have decided that it is time to suck it up and get a new one. I thought my first stop would be the internet. I can get it shipped to me and try them on at home. My first stop the Victoria's Secret site. There is free shipping for items over 100.00. I figure I get a few, try them on and send the majority back.
Decisions, Decisions, decisions... Beach Sexy, Miracle Bra, Very Sexy, or Body by Victoria. Let's see Beach sexy, I will be running after two kiddos on the beach, sand always seems to gravitate to the crotch region, my youngest has a fascination with straps (she prefers them off the shoulder) I'm going to have to say no to the beach sexy or very sexy. That leaves Miracle Bra or Body by Victoria. I am excited about this Miracle Bra idea. I have been clinging to my A+/B- since adolescence and I would really love a miracle. The woman wearing the suits looked to either be blessed by God or a surgeon. I don't think that Victoria has the power to work a large scale miracle. I loved some of the tops, but I just can't envision my mini miracle in there. On to the body by Victoria...please. My body is Body by Ella and Claire. So the search continues.

In case you were wondering, pictured is a beach sexy suit; I decided against it because of the color, and a few other reasons. Really, does anyone really wear a white in the water except at a wet t-shirt contest?