Guilt the gift that keeps on giving!

So today had to be one of my worst days as a mother. We all have a feeling of guilt , it comes with motherhood, but to have someone you trust call you out hurts like heck. I called to get another appointment with the GI specialist and was told that Ella couldn't get in until Sept. That was too far away, I had a spot last week , but was guilted into giving it up thanks to the nurse, Ms. "there are kids sicker than yours waiting to get in". I was told by the nurse that Ella was fine and to give up my slot. So I did, and a few days later the symptoms returned. I spent all morning on the phone, left two messages to speak with my pediatrician. I was told that she would be the only one to get her in. My Dr. called me and said... "Can you change your vacation so you can get her in?" (mind you Ella has had this issue for two months, in which the doctor had seen her 3 times, run tests and we were going to be gone 4 days) I told her no, we already had tickets and it was for my in laws 40th anniversary/family reunion. She then stated the following words that will stick with me forever. "I have never heard of a vacation that cannot be changed if a child's health is the issue." Ok... for 2 months I have been calling about the issue, they have been running tests... no one has said this was life threatening, if it was I would certainly do whatever it takes. She basically accused me of being a bad mother. She was in the end able to get me in today, but she remarked on the second call that, "she told the GI specialist that she advised me to change my vacation plans, but I would not". WTF..so the people at the specialists think that I am lower than low... We did get in at 2:00 and left at 5:15. They took blood, stool samples, and tummy X-rays. I told the specialists what had happened, she was very sympathetic, and reassured me that Ella would be fine and that the vacation was not a big deal. She is scheduled for a colonoscopy next week. She thinks it is just a polyp and nothing to be worried about. They will just snip it out, an outpatient procedure.

Needless to say, I can never... nor will I ever return to my pediatrician. Anyone that thinks, or would even insinuate that I am a bad mom is not someone that I need to be PAYING!!! I am so hurt, I can't let it go. I have known my pediatrician since Ella was born, I CHOSE her. On the bright side, it looks like Ella will be fine, we are going on our trip to my in- laws, and I will have more great stories about trying to prep a 2 1/2 year old for a Colonoscopy ... I can't imagine!! What a day!