Guilt the gift that keeps on giving!

So today had to be one of my worst days as a mother. We all have a feeling of guilt , it comes with motherhood, but to have someone you trust call you out hurts like heck. I called to get another appointment with the GI specialist and was told that Ella couldn't get in until Sept. That was too far away, I had a spot last week , but was guilted into giving it up thanks to the nurse, Ms. "there are kids sicker than yours waiting to get in". I was told by the nurse that Ella was fine and to give up my slot. So I did, and a few days later the symptoms returned. I spent all morning on the phone, left two messages to speak with my pediatrician. I was told that she would be the only one to get her in. My Dr. called me and said... "Can you change your vacation so you can get her in?" (mind you Ella has had this issue for two months, in which the doctor had seen her 3 times, run tests and we were going to be gone 4 days) I told her no, we already had tickets and it was for my in laws 40th anniversary/family reunion. She then stated the following words that will stick with me forever. "I have never heard of a vacation that cannot be changed if a child's health is the issue." Ok... for 2 months I have been calling about the issue, they have been running tests... no one has said this was life threatening, if it was I would certainly do whatever it takes. She basically accused me of being a bad mother. She was in the end able to get me in today, but she remarked on the second call that, "she told the GI specialist that she advised me to change my vacation plans, but I would not". WTF..so the people at the specialists think that I am lower than low... We did get in at 2:00 and left at 5:15. They took blood, stool samples, and tummy X-rays. I told the specialists what had happened, she was very sympathetic, and reassured me that Ella would be fine and that the vacation was not a big deal. She is scheduled for a colonoscopy next week. She thinks it is just a polyp and nothing to be worried about. They will just snip it out, an outpatient procedure.

Needless to say, I can never... nor will I ever return to my pediatrician. Anyone that thinks, or would even insinuate that I am a bad mom is not someone that I need to be PAYING!!! I am so hurt, I can't let it go. I have known my pediatrician since Ella was born, I CHOSE her. On the bright side, it looks like Ella will be fine, we are going on our trip to my in- laws, and I will have more great stories about trying to prep a 2 1/2 year old for a Colonoscopy ... I can't imagine!! What a day!

guilty as charged

We have been dealing with Ella's intestinal issues for about two months now. We have seen a doctor three times and the last time a specialist was consulted. She took a heavy dose of penicillin to clear up what was thought to be an infection of the colon. i was instructed to call the specialist if she wasn't 100 % better. She was better, but no 100% so I called an left a message. the nurse called me back 2 days later and shamed me into giving up her appointment spot. "there are many sick kids that have been waiting to get into Dr. GI God. She sounds better, they need the spot." So against my gut feelings and twisting my arm I gave it up. A day after the phone call, her symptoms have returned. I am so ticked at the nurse and at myself. I should have stood my ground. My kiddo is one of the sick ones that needs to get in now. She is not in pain or anything, but things are still not normal and I have exhausted all of my resources. She has done tests, we have changed her diet ect. I don't know what else to do. I guess i will have to try and get her into Dr. GI God on Monday. This time I will be the one twisting arms and dolling out the guilt trip!

new mantra

One of my friends from Vegas emailed me a list of quotes that she found. I thought the following two were my favorites!

Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

This house was clean yesterday…sorry you missed it.

Amen! I really do try to stay on top of things, but there is just too much to stay on top of.

So many things are crazy right now. We have decided to go ahead and build a new house. The thought of moving makes me want to vomit. I moved every three years of my life being an air force brat. I just hate it. On the other hand, the new house will have more room and the girls will be going to excellent schools. On top of the new house stress, we are leaving next week to visit the in laws in Chicago (the photo was from our last trip). I am madly scrambling to get all of the lose ends handled. I heard from a friend that children's Dramamine was great if your kiddo freaks out on the plane. Ella can be cool as a cucumber, or emotionally crazy. I have been really talking up the plane, she as been on one several times before, but a 2 1/2 year old is an entirely different beast. I thought that I would give the dramimine a go tonight to see if it had any effect. Nope.. she has been having a very passionate discussion with her dolls and animals for the past hour and a half. So much for marked drowsiness.

get your mouse away from my queue!

Jeff has been working last the last several evenings. He won't be home for dinner the next two evenings, so I was thrilled when my net flicks movie arrived. I had purposefully put two chick flicks at the top of my queue. I put the girls down for bed, both woke with poopy diapers. I got that all cleaned up and was ready to have a glass of wine and watch my movie. I opened up the cheerful red and white envelope. To my dismay...no to my HORROR it was not some cheesy movie or The Tudors (which I have been told has plenty of eye candy) no it was ...Semi-Pro. Yes, the Will Ferrell movie about "the team with the worst renegade American Basketball Association". I know to expect all sort of attractive bodily functions on display and perhaps streeking. Not to say I am above watching this movie, I would struggle through it with a bottle of wine and my husband. It is what I like to refer to as a "take one for the team" movie. It only got 2 1/2 stars for Gods sake!

I know that was not in my queue, someone has been tampering with my queue. Time to change the password. Now to my dilemma...drink the whole bottle of wine and attempt to watch the movie or... ok Lifetime channel it is.

Losing my mind

They say that you should force your brain to try something new to help increase your memory. Ideas include brushing your teeth, or brushing your hair with a different arm than you usually do. I have been trying this for the past week, and I seem to be losing memory power, not gaining it. Today, I though I had my dermatology appointment. It is my yearly exam, apparently this is a requirement when you are a pale , pasty redhead! I arranged child care and headed to my appointment ON TIME, only to find that I had the wrong day. Great! Well, I thought I could use the time to get some errands done without the kiddos. We are leaving in a few days to visit my in laws in Chicago, so I have a list of lose ends to tie up. On to the Target dollar bin, seriously nothing left but a few crusty tea lights and a pair of patriotic socks, so no little toys for the air plane trip. Next on to find Children's dramamine...all out. Then to Cosco to get a membership, no check or cash in my wallet for the membership fee. Realized this AFTER waiting in line for 15 minutes. I left just in time to pick the kiddos up. I could never seem to catch a break.

I hope your day went better than mine! I need to shower and get to some required maintenance so that I can wear a swim suit and go to the gym's pool with my Mother tomorrow. It is her birthday, there is no other way to celebrate than sitting by the pool, reading a book, sans kiddos. She will enjoy it too.

Fun this weekend

Love weddings!

One of my girlfriends got married yesterday. I love weddings, I can't help but tear up. My brother and hubby were the videographers . They accidentally wore matching light green shirts. My brother was secretly mortified, but it did make them look professional. They decided they should call themselves...the "Wedding Catchers".

It was a beautiful wedding and they served the best white wine... Man Vintners Chenin Blanc. It went down like lemonade on a hot day. Danger, Danger!!! I stopped counting at 4 glasses. My brother took a break from filming to dance with me. I love dancing with him, we have both taken ballroom dance classes so he has the moves. He was flinging me all over. After the song ended, we were applauded. I did not worry about upstaging the bride since she was sitting down chatting with her family.

Today however, was brutal. We went to church and the singing hurt my head. My head hurt too bad to even dose off during the sermon. Jeff had a 3 hour conference call and Claire decided that she was not interested in a nap. I am slowly nursing myself back to health. Tomorrow I NEED to find that wine. This time I will remember two glasses are my max.

On another note, we have been contemplating buying a new house. Today in the car Ella said, "Daddy you need make more money Ella wants a house, Ok daddy?" I need to be very careful what I say, she listens to everything!

Feeling it...

OK, I have found a way to make my mullet look really cute. I just pull a little bit back and there really is no maintenance. I just have to make sure that I have plenty of little clips on hand.

Other great news... Claire used the potty today, she asked for it. Whoo Hoo. If I could get them both out of diapers by this winter I would be in hog heaven!

Busy weekend, I had a bachelorette party last night, bridal brunch today, and friends wedding tomorrow. Fun, I get to dress up and feel pretty. I wore heels last night, big mistake I forgot just how much heels hurt. I looked like a gimp trying to bar hop last night. I would have just taken them off if not for the smell of urine in the streets and vomit on the curb.

Mullet trumps mushroom

Ok...the real test of a good haircut is the shower after. You know what I mean, you come home with beautifully styled hair and can never seem to get the look again. I really do not blame the stylist. She did what I asked and got rid of the shroom, and cut a style that required little up keep. I washed, I air dried , I used some product, and as a last resort flat ironed it. I do not have the sleek beautiful sexy hair of yesterday. I have a mullet, an "Asian mullet". (seriously I looked it up, that what it is called). So, next time you see me...yes it is not Billy Ray Cyrus.

On another note, nothing says embarrassment like accidentally emailing someone that you have not spoken to in 8 years the following message:

Would you be home Thursday, or are you going to the gym? I would like to buy one package of each.

Peppermint peckers ($7.50)
Pecker straws ($6.50)

Both women have the same first name and I just clicked without thinking. In my defense, the items are for a bachelorette party. I feel like an idiot, I am still blushing.

No more mushroom top

I went to a new hairstylist today. It was one that my brother's girlfriend goes to. She raved about her, and I thought couldn't be any worse then the haircut that I have now. BONUS she cost a lot less too. I was a little apprehensive, I really didn't know if anything could be done to my 1990's "Rachel" haircut. I managed to put on a little make up before heading down to the salon. I don't know about you , but there is something very discerning about staring at yourself in a mirror for an hour. I have come to the conclusion that I would be a very unattractive baldy. Anytime I look at myself for that long, I begin to criticize everything about my face. It is too square, my nose is a little large, I over plucked my brow...ect.

I get to the salon, meet my stylist. We chatted about my hair and even she mentioned that it did resemble the "Rachel" cut...that or a mushroom. Nice...this girls was right up my alley. She did a fantastic job! Yeah!! This is good because I have a bachelorette party and a wedding this week and as far as I know neither of them are going for a 90's theme.

Happy Father's Day!

My daughter brought home this poem from school. It made me tear up!

“Walk a little slower Daddy,”
said a child so small,
“I’m following in your footsteps
and I don’t want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they’re hard to see;
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For you are leading me.

Someday when I’m all grown up,
You’re what I want to be;
Then I will have a little child
Who’ll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right,
And know that I was true,
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For I must follow you.”

~ Anonymous

Living the dream

My mother and I went to NYC last August. One of my friends from my theater/dance classes in Vegas is a lead in the Broadway production Xanadu. We had the opportunity to see the show and talk with him after. He is living the dream I had for myself when I was in high school. Yesterday, the production was featured on the Today show. It is up for a Tony this season. I am so happy for him. After I let go of my twinge of jealousy and wiped Claire's snot off my black t-shirt, I realized that I am living my dream too (minus the snot). I always wanted to be a mommy and live happily ever after. I got my wish! OK... happily ever after on most days.

Pee Pee water

Today I hosted an event for my MOM's Club at a children's museum about 35 min. away. We were the only ones that showed up. Not exactly what I had planned, but my mother came to help out and we had a great time. I don't know what I would do with out the extra pair of hands/eyes. We had a fantastic time, but I know that I couldn't do it alone.

After naps..Ella 10 min. and Claire 30min. I decided to fill up the baby pool on our porch. The girls had a ball until I heard..." Sorry Mommy, I tinkled" Ella chose not to venture the 5 steps to the potty and did her business in the pool. Claire then took it upon herself to fill up cups of "tinkle water" and pour them on Ella's head. Ella was mortified... I couldn't help but laugh. We put them down for bed at 6:30. Ella threw away her last paci this afternoon, so it made for a traumatic evening, but she is asleep and paci free. Whoo Hoo!!!

Holy Stretched Out Uterus Batman

Well... the Duggars have done it again! Baby #18 is due on New Year's Day 2009!

Michelle Duggar has been pregnant for 11 years of her life. 11 YEARS!

I will not say those cruel things that I am sure they hear like "You know what causes that don't you?" or "Holy Crap are you crazy?????" No, I will not say such mean and hurtful things... but I will ask for a moment of silence for Michelle's stomach skin because you know as well as I do that there is no elastic left on that puppy whatsoever.

I could not imagine. I wonder if she has to tuck her stomach into her blue jeans.

How in the world do they remember the kids names? I bet they don't drink-they need to-but I bet they don't. That is probably how they are able to remember the names.

All of the kid's have names that start with "J." After 18 you would think they would be running out. Eventually there will be a Jujubes Duggar and a Jump Rope Duggar, maybe even a Jingle Bells Duggar.

anti June Cleaver style

Today the New York Times has a lengthy piece on couples that strive for equal parenting/chores — and the reasons why reality often falls short of the ideal. Ummm... yeah. We tried the 50-50 thing right after we got married. We wrote down the chores and assigned rolls. That lasted for about a few weeks. I look back on that and wish that I had stuck to my guns a little more. We have morphed from a couple trying to make things "fair", to a typical 1950's couple. I can't figure out how it happened. It was gradual and then once I stayed home with the kiddos, BAM! June Cleaver. OK, more like a ragged run down complaining June Cleaver. I am seriously lacking her perkiness and zest for all things domestic.

I am avoiding the laundry and the bathroom that needs to be cleaned. I really do try not to get annoyed about the lack of "fairness', but occasionally I just can help getting ticked. Laundry the never ending "joy" and unloading the dishwasher are my least fav jobs. Jeff's main chore is the lawn. I wish that laundry went dormant like the grass does in the winter. I really shouldn't complain, he really does a lot and is a great father. I still get stuck with the majority of the "fun" jobs. As a teenager, I NEVER thought that I would turn into my mother. I am getting more like her every day. Sigh... now back to mopping the floor, but perhaps I will mix it up and do it anti June Cleaver style with a glass of vino in my hand. Yes, I know I am such a rebel!

No sex in the city

I did manage to go and see Sex and the City with two of my girlfriends. We saw it at the Alamo downtown, it was a sold out crowd. The women were dressed to the nines. Yes, I too dressed up for a movie. This was a first. There were plenty of Carrie Bradshaw bra straps on display, and a few outfits that truly needed to be on the back page of Allure magazine..what not to wear. Great people watching and after a cosmo the girls and I were making catty remarks left and right. I love having girlfriends. I don't have to explain what I am looking at, all I have to say is "check it". They will notice the panty line, or the "she should not be wearing that" outfit.

For those of you who haven't seen the movie, I won't give anything away. I did however relate to Miranda for the first time ever. I think many married women with kiddos will.

Incentives

So I have been working out twice a week at our gym and recently came to find out the Bachelor takes a class at the same time I take my dance class. Nice... if I stare hard enough through the window separating the classes I can see him. I mentioned this tidbit of info to my single girlfriend who recently joined the gym. I had contemplated suggesting that I forgo my dance class and go to the other class with her. Then I really paid attention to the torture... I mean workout. Here I was bopping around to Thriller, and they were grunting in pain. No longer a glutton for punishment, I have decided not to offer to try the class out with her.

For those of you who don't know which bachelor I am talking about, I am including his photo. Yeah, I agree he really looks like a tool. However, a wife beater t-shirt and biker shorts don't make this tool look too hideous.

Ella wore her princess panties for 4 hours today, no accidents. The package of 7 panties included a few that were white. Come on! Really what toddler is not going to soil their panties. They should be camouflage material with a little princess in the corner.

Just curious when will I stop breaking out like a teenager? One of the perks of growing up or so I thought was clear skin. Surprise... pimples, and random chin hairs that appear out of no where.

Ella's special day

Today Ella had her special day. We went to a fairy party at a local toy store, out to lunch and to Target for her first pair of panties. She picked out princess panties. Tomorrow afternoon we will put the Princess to the test!

Short and sweet

It is late and I am tired! We attempted to go to the "summer beach bash" at our gym. Tons of kiddos, warm tuna sandwiches... so not worth the drama. After about 30 minutes of chasing after the girls, a skinned knee, and some whining, Jeff and I both gave each other the look. The look that means in no uncertain terms.. let's blow this joint!

A few days ago Ella had her first hair cut. My mother trimmed her ends. I shed a few tears, pathetic I know...

Herding Cats

We did it! I finally got a picture of both girls together! Ella freaked out at first but the photographer really worked hard to get her to have fun. She was great, Claire on the other hand refused to sit still. She ran all around. At the end of the session while waiting for our pictures, Ella had an accident in her diaper. She always goes poopy in the potty, so it was very traumatic for her to poop in her diaper. She was upset and to make matters worse one of the sales associates was running around with air freshener.

My secret weapon

In the past few posts I have complained about the fact that Ella has now embraced the terrible twos. Today, I discovered why they really are not all that terrible after all. Ella has proven herself to be my secret weapon. Low flush toilets are great in theory, not so great in practicality. Our toilets require a two flush minimum for number twos most of the time. My husband isn't always great at remembering that fact, and many times for lack of a better word there are some "files" left over from his "job". I usually notice this while bathing the kiddos. This evening I was grumbling out loud cleaning the toilet while the kiddos frolicked in the bath (more like pored water all over the bathroom floor) . Jeff got home late, and as usual around 9:30 Ella needs to go potty. Jeff took her in and was about to sit Ella on the potty when she let him have it. "Daddy, you no flush potty. Mommy clean potty. Naughty. Mommy clean it. You flush after poo poo . Make Mommy angry, naughty" I over heard this and peeked around the corner. She was wagging her little finger in the air with her hand on her hip while teaching her daddy a lesson. It was GREAT!!! Score one for Mommy!!!

Momzillas

I'm a sucker for chick lit. I am not embarrassed by this. I still read classics and a lot of nonfiction, but there's something amusing about chick lit that adds an element to my literary life. The best part of the book Momzillas by Jill Kargman is the glossary, I just wanted to share a few words with you.... can you relate?

Ball on a stick: super skinny pregnant woman who works out like crazy and counts calories, results in a bony body with uterus as only evidence of pregnancy

Blue Ribbon Birther: Mom who brags about her natural childbirth and thinks that she deserves a prize for forgoing drugs

Momologue: Mom who goes on and on about her kids as if he/she is the only one in the world

Sanctimommy: preachy mom who thinks she knows what is best not just for her child, but everyone else's

Suicide Hour: Generally between 5:00pm until husband comes home. "Happy Hour" for the rest of the world.

Closed Doors

One of my girlfriends that just had a baby left me a message claiming that I made it (being a mom) look too easy. My first thought was there is a lot of tears behind closed doors. We all try to make motherhood look beautiful and well put together. The truth is motherhood is messy, the kind of messy that makes you wish that waterproof mascara really worked.

Priceless

My hubby has been having computer issues, so I am just getting on the computer now.

Let me think back to our trip:

On the way we almost ran out of gas, Ella had several false potty alarms on the road. She was NOT having a dirty restroom experience. One of our attempts resulted in the following scenario:
Ella: No potty mommy, too dirty.
Me: Well Mommy has to go potty, I will clean the seat... see you can sit now.
Ella: No! I don't want to. No!
Ella: Can I peek (at the lady in the stall next to us)
Me: No you can't peek at the lady
Ella: Yeah Lady...you go potty. Yeah... Lady you wash hands?
Me: Yes, she will wash her hands, let's wash our hands. Good! Now this is a hand dryer, just like a hair dryer, but for your hands.
Ella: AHHHHHHHHHH (screams at the top of her lungs and darts out of the bathroom running into a very large tattooed man.)

Next the beach:
The waves, the sand, the gentle breeze... my two and a half year old refuses to touch the wet sand. we still have six more days... in her defense she was able to touch it by the end of day 6.

The pool:
Ella only wants to sit on the step. Throws giant fit when it is time to get out.
She managed to poop in her swim suit resulting in a nasty mess. Claire never poops in her swim suit but sits in the only spot of tar on the beach and looks like she pooped for the rest of the trip.

The elevator:
Elevator door shuts almost locking Ella in the elevator alone... go go gadget arm pry open the door saving her. Ella is terrified of the elevator... day three.

Life with a two year old:
This week Ella came to the realization that she is now two. She morphed into a whiny , temper tantrum throwing , wild child. I was assured by my mother, that my brother and I really were never like that. Ella must be "high spirited". Hmmm.. isn't that code for little turd?

It really was a great trip, and never dull. The girls had fun. There was plenty of alcohol at night to drown out the terrible two hangover. Memories were made. Now it is back to laundry, cleaning, and the time out corner.