Guilt the gift that keeps on giving!

So today had to be one of my worst days as a mother. We all have a feeling of guilt , it comes with motherhood, but to have someone you trust call you out hurts like heck. I called to get another appointment with the GI specialist and was told that Ella couldn't get in until Sept. That was too far away, I had a spot last week , but was guilted into giving it up thanks to the nurse, Ms. "there are kids sicker than yours waiting to get in". I was told by the nurse that Ella was fine and to give up my slot. So I did, and a few days later the symptoms returned. I spent all morning on the phone, left two messages to speak with my pediatrician. I was told that she would be the only one to get her in. My Dr. called me and said... "Can you change your vacation so you can get her in?" (mind you Ella has had this issue for two months, in which the doctor had seen her 3 times, run tests and we were going to be gone 4 days) I told her no, we already had tickets and it was for my in laws 40th anniversary/family reunion. She then stated the following words that will stick with me forever. "I have never heard of a vacation that cannot be changed if a child's health is the issue." Ok... for 2 months I have been calling about the issue, they have been running tests... no one has said this was life threatening, if it was I would certainly do whatever it takes. She basically accused me of being a bad mother. She was in the end able to get me in today, but she remarked on the second call that, "she told the GI specialist that she advised me to change my vacation plans, but I would not". WTF..so the people at the specialists think that I am lower than low... We did get in at 2:00 and left at 5:15. They took blood, stool samples, and tummy X-rays. I told the specialists what had happened, she was very sympathetic, and reassured me that Ella would be fine and that the vacation was not a big deal. She is scheduled for a colonoscopy next week. She thinks it is just a polyp and nothing to be worried about. They will just snip it out, an outpatient procedure.

Needless to say, I can never... nor will I ever return to my pediatrician. Anyone that thinks, or would even insinuate that I am a bad mom is not someone that I need to be PAYING!!! I am so hurt, I can't let it go. I have known my pediatrician since Ella was born, I CHOSE her. On the bright side, it looks like Ella will be fine, we are going on our trip to my in- laws, and I will have more great stories about trying to prep a 2 1/2 year old for a Colonoscopy ... I can't imagine!! What a day!

guilty as charged

We have been dealing with Ella's intestinal issues for about two months now. We have seen a doctor three times and the last time a specialist was consulted. She took a heavy dose of penicillin to clear up what was thought to be an infection of the colon. i was instructed to call the specialist if she wasn't 100 % better. She was better, but no 100% so I called an left a message. the nurse called me back 2 days later and shamed me into giving up her appointment spot. "there are many sick kids that have been waiting to get into Dr. GI God. She sounds better, they need the spot." So against my gut feelings and twisting my arm I gave it up. A day after the phone call, her symptoms have returned. I am so ticked at the nurse and at myself. I should have stood my ground. My kiddo is one of the sick ones that needs to get in now. She is not in pain or anything, but things are still not normal and I have exhausted all of my resources. She has done tests, we have changed her diet ect. I don't know what else to do. I guess i will have to try and get her into Dr. GI God on Monday. This time I will be the one twisting arms and dolling out the guilt trip!

new mantra

One of my friends from Vegas emailed me a list of quotes that she found. I thought the following two were my favorites!

Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

This house was clean yesterday…sorry you missed it.

Amen! I really do try to stay on top of things, but there is just too much to stay on top of.

So many things are crazy right now. We have decided to go ahead and build a new house. The thought of moving makes me want to vomit. I moved every three years of my life being an air force brat. I just hate it. On the other hand, the new house will have more room and the girls will be going to excellent schools. On top of the new house stress, we are leaving next week to visit the in laws in Chicago (the photo was from our last trip). I am madly scrambling to get all of the lose ends handled. I heard from a friend that children's Dramamine was great if your kiddo freaks out on the plane. Ella can be cool as a cucumber, or emotionally crazy. I have been really talking up the plane, she as been on one several times before, but a 2 1/2 year old is an entirely different beast. I thought that I would give the dramimine a go tonight to see if it had any effect. Nope.. she has been having a very passionate discussion with her dolls and animals for the past hour and a half. So much for marked drowsiness.

get your mouse away from my queue!

Jeff has been working last the last several evenings. He won't be home for dinner the next two evenings, so I was thrilled when my net flicks movie arrived. I had purposefully put two chick flicks at the top of my queue. I put the girls down for bed, both woke with poopy diapers. I got that all cleaned up and was ready to have a glass of wine and watch my movie. I opened up the cheerful red and white envelope. To my dismay...no to my HORROR it was not some cheesy movie or The Tudors (which I have been told has plenty of eye candy) no it was ...Semi-Pro. Yes, the Will Ferrell movie about "the team with the worst renegade American Basketball Association". I know to expect all sort of attractive bodily functions on display and perhaps streeking. Not to say I am above watching this movie, I would struggle through it with a bottle of wine and my husband. It is what I like to refer to as a "take one for the team" movie. It only got 2 1/2 stars for Gods sake!

I know that was not in my queue, someone has been tampering with my queue. Time to change the password. Now to my dilemma...drink the whole bottle of wine and attempt to watch the movie or... ok Lifetime channel it is.

Losing my mind

They say that you should force your brain to try something new to help increase your memory. Ideas include brushing your teeth, or brushing your hair with a different arm than you usually do. I have been trying this for the past week, and I seem to be losing memory power, not gaining it. Today, I though I had my dermatology appointment. It is my yearly exam, apparently this is a requirement when you are a pale , pasty redhead! I arranged child care and headed to my appointment ON TIME, only to find that I had the wrong day. Great! Well, I thought I could use the time to get some errands done without the kiddos. We are leaving in a few days to visit my in laws in Chicago, so I have a list of lose ends to tie up. On to the Target dollar bin, seriously nothing left but a few crusty tea lights and a pair of patriotic socks, so no little toys for the air plane trip. Next on to find Children's dramamine...all out. Then to Cosco to get a membership, no check or cash in my wallet for the membership fee. Realized this AFTER waiting in line for 15 minutes. I left just in time to pick the kiddos up. I could never seem to catch a break.

I hope your day went better than mine! I need to shower and get to some required maintenance so that I can wear a swim suit and go to the gym's pool with my Mother tomorrow. It is her birthday, there is no other way to celebrate than sitting by the pool, reading a book, sans kiddos. She will enjoy it too.

Fun this weekend

Love weddings!

One of my girlfriends got married yesterday. I love weddings, I can't help but tear up. My brother and hubby were the videographers . They accidentally wore matching light green shirts. My brother was secretly mortified, but it did make them look professional. They decided they should call themselves...the "Wedding Catchers".

It was a beautiful wedding and they served the best white wine... Man Vintners Chenin Blanc. It went down like lemonade on a hot day. Danger, Danger!!! I stopped counting at 4 glasses. My brother took a break from filming to dance with me. I love dancing with him, we have both taken ballroom dance classes so he has the moves. He was flinging me all over. After the song ended, we were applauded. I did not worry about upstaging the bride since she was sitting down chatting with her family.

Today however, was brutal. We went to church and the singing hurt my head. My head hurt too bad to even dose off during the sermon. Jeff had a 3 hour conference call and Claire decided that she was not interested in a nap. I am slowly nursing myself back to health. Tomorrow I NEED to find that wine. This time I will remember two glasses are my max.

On another note, we have been contemplating buying a new house. Today in the car Ella said, "Daddy you need make more money Ella wants a house, Ok daddy?" I need to be very careful what I say, she listens to everything!

Feeling it...

OK, I have found a way to make my mullet look really cute. I just pull a little bit back and there really is no maintenance. I just have to make sure that I have plenty of little clips on hand.

Other great news... Claire used the potty today, she asked for it. Whoo Hoo. If I could get them both out of diapers by this winter I would be in hog heaven!

Busy weekend, I had a bachelorette party last night, bridal brunch today, and friends wedding tomorrow. Fun, I get to dress up and feel pretty. I wore heels last night, big mistake I forgot just how much heels hurt. I looked like a gimp trying to bar hop last night. I would have just taken them off if not for the smell of urine in the streets and vomit on the curb.

Mullet trumps mushroom

Ok...the real test of a good haircut is the shower after. You know what I mean, you come home with beautifully styled hair and can never seem to get the look again. I really do not blame the stylist. She did what I asked and got rid of the shroom, and cut a style that required little up keep. I washed, I air dried , I used some product, and as a last resort flat ironed it. I do not have the sleek beautiful sexy hair of yesterday. I have a mullet, an "Asian mullet". (seriously I looked it up, that what it is called). So, next time you see me...yes it is not Billy Ray Cyrus.

On another note, nothing says embarrassment like accidentally emailing someone that you have not spoken to in 8 years the following message:

Would you be home Thursday, or are you going to the gym? I would like to buy one package of each.

Peppermint peckers ($7.50)
Pecker straws ($6.50)

Both women have the same first name and I just clicked without thinking. In my defense, the items are for a bachelorette party. I feel like an idiot, I am still blushing.

No more mushroom top

I went to a new hairstylist today. It was one that my brother's girlfriend goes to. She raved about her, and I thought couldn't be any worse then the haircut that I have now. BONUS she cost a lot less too. I was a little apprehensive, I really didn't know if anything could be done to my 1990's "Rachel" haircut. I managed to put on a little make up before heading down to the salon. I don't know about you , but there is something very discerning about staring at yourself in a mirror for an hour. I have come to the conclusion that I would be a very unattractive baldy. Anytime I look at myself for that long, I begin to criticize everything about my face. It is too square, my nose is a little large, I over plucked my brow...ect.

I get to the salon, meet my stylist. We chatted about my hair and even she mentioned that it did resemble the "Rachel" cut...that or a mushroom. Nice...this girls was right up my alley. She did a fantastic job! Yeah!! This is good because I have a bachelorette party and a wedding this week and as far as I know neither of them are going for a 90's theme.

Happy Father's Day!

My daughter brought home this poem from school. It made me tear up!

“Walk a little slower Daddy,”
said a child so small,
“I’m following in your footsteps
and I don’t want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they’re hard to see;
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For you are leading me.

Someday when I’m all grown up,
You’re what I want to be;
Then I will have a little child
Who’ll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right,
And know that I was true,
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For I must follow you.”

~ Anonymous

Living the dream

My mother and I went to NYC last August. One of my friends from my theater/dance classes in Vegas is a lead in the Broadway production Xanadu. We had the opportunity to see the show and talk with him after. He is living the dream I had for myself when I was in high school. Yesterday, the production was featured on the Today show. It is up for a Tony this season. I am so happy for him. After I let go of my twinge of jealousy and wiped Claire's snot off my black t-shirt, I realized that I am living my dream too (minus the snot). I always wanted to be a mommy and live happily ever after. I got my wish! OK... happily ever after on most days.