Momzillas

I'm a sucker for chick lit. I am not embarrassed by this. I still read classics and a lot of nonfiction, but there's something amusing about chick lit that adds an element to my literary life. The best part of the book Momzillas by Jill Kargman is the glossary, I just wanted to share a few words with you.... can you relate?

Ball on a stick: super skinny pregnant woman who works out like crazy and counts calories, results in a bony body with uterus as only evidence of pregnancy

Blue Ribbon Birther: Mom who brags about her natural childbirth and thinks that she deserves a prize for forgoing drugs

Momologue: Mom who goes on and on about her kids as if he/she is the only one in the world

Sanctimommy: preachy mom who thinks she knows what is best not just for her child, but everyone else's

Suicide Hour: Generally between 5:00pm until husband comes home. "Happy Hour" for the rest of the world.

Closed Doors

One of my girlfriends that just had a baby left me a message claiming that I made it (being a mom) look too easy. My first thought was there is a lot of tears behind closed doors. We all try to make motherhood look beautiful and well put together. The truth is motherhood is messy, the kind of messy that makes you wish that waterproof mascara really worked.

Priceless

My hubby has been having computer issues, so I am just getting on the computer now.

Let me think back to our trip:

On the way we almost ran out of gas, Ella had several false potty alarms on the road. She was NOT having a dirty restroom experience. One of our attempts resulted in the following scenario:
Ella: No potty mommy, too dirty.
Me: Well Mommy has to go potty, I will clean the seat... see you can sit now.
Ella: No! I don't want to. No!
Ella: Can I peek (at the lady in the stall next to us)
Me: No you can't peek at the lady
Ella: Yeah Lady...you go potty. Yeah... Lady you wash hands?
Me: Yes, she will wash her hands, let's wash our hands. Good! Now this is a hand dryer, just like a hair dryer, but for your hands.
Ella: AHHHHHHHHHH (screams at the top of her lungs and darts out of the bathroom running into a very large tattooed man.)

Next the beach:
The waves, the sand, the gentle breeze... my two and a half year old refuses to touch the wet sand. we still have six more days... in her defense she was able to touch it by the end of day 6.

The pool:
Ella only wants to sit on the step. Throws giant fit when it is time to get out.
She managed to poop in her swim suit resulting in a nasty mess. Claire never poops in her swim suit but sits in the only spot of tar on the beach and looks like she pooped for the rest of the trip.

The elevator:
Elevator door shuts almost locking Ella in the elevator alone... go go gadget arm pry open the door saving her. Ella is terrified of the elevator... day three.

Life with a two year old:
This week Ella came to the realization that she is now two. She morphed into a whiny , temper tantrum throwing , wild child. I was assured by my mother, that my brother and I really were never like that. Ella must be "high spirited". Hmmm.. isn't that code for little turd?

It really was a great trip, and never dull. The girls had fun. There was plenty of alcohol at night to drown out the terrible two hangover. Memories were made. Now it is back to laundry, cleaning, and the time out corner.

Home again home again...

Once agin I am in one picture...was I really there. I am busy unpacking. I have so much to write about so, I will write again tomorrow. suspense!!!!

Beach

Well we made it in 6 1/2 hours to the beach. On the way we forgot to get gas, there is a stretch of 80 miles with no gas stations. We traveled with no AC the last few miles in 98 degree heat because we were terrified that we would run out of gas. We were sweating, I was on the verge of panic, but we coasted in on fumes to the gas station. Jeff got an earful!!!

Ella is terrified of the beach, she keeps thinking the waves are coming to get her. Claire loves it. So my vision of the girls playing together in the sand is blown. Today is our 6th anniversary, and Claire treated us with a 5:30 am wake up call. We are all sleeping in the same room until my brother flies home this evening.

WE are having fun for the most part, but it is so much work. Ella has decided that she does not like fish, but as long as we call it chicken she will eat it. Gotta go...someone has pooped.

Sally Sells Seashells by the sea shore

I have lost my mind. It is 3:30 in the morning, I went to bed at one and now can't sleep worrying that I have forgotten to pack things. We are leaving for a 7 day trip to the beach in a few hours. I keep checking and rechecking my lists. My hubby is so nonchalant about it all, "if we forget anything, its not like we can't just buy it down there." Very true, I wish I wasn't so darn anal. I can't embrace that philosophy.

We borrowed a portable DVD player from a friend to keep the girls occupied for the 6 1/2 hour journey. My hubby is irritated with that idea, since we as children were "forced" to enjoy the scenery and talk to each other. True, but I don't think he is aware of the non stop talking of a 2 1/2 year old and the whining of a 15 month old. Personally for 6 1/2 hours I would rather hear Elmo!!

I will still post at the beach, but will have to wait until we get home to update with pictures. I'm sure that we will have plenty of stories!

Free Swim

Yesterday it was a boiling 93 degrees. Ella wanted to go to the pool, but frankly I can't do two toddlers at the pool. Claire has no fear, and is too skinny to wear one of the little swim vests that I have. So, into the baby pool on the porch they go. I have been trying to pack for the beach their swim suits are packed away. The girls just went "free". They loved it. After swimming, I herded them into the house. I had not gotten their diapers on yet. I turned my head once, and discovered in a matter of 3 minutes both girls had accidents on the carpet. No good deed goes un punished!

I am working on grooming my brows this afternoon. I don't get it, I pluck one day the next I have unibrow. I am not of the hairy variety but eyebrow hairs spring up over night. Note to self however; do not drink wine while plucking.

What is that smell?

OK, am I the only one that this has happened to? Today I took Claire to Gymboree and I was lifting her up and caught a whiff of something... I couldn't put my finger on the scent. The scent seemed to appear whenever I lifted her up. I KNOW that I put deodorant on. I don't get it, the last few days I have been sniffing myself. I don't have serious BO or anything, but I do not smell fresh as a daisy. I think that my deodorant has stopped working. Seriously! So, today I dragged Claire to Target to buy a new brand. So far so good, we went for a walk in the 93 degree heat and no suspicious oder was lurking.

I have started packing for our week long trip to the beach. More to follow. Question? Is it bad if I just tell Ella she can tinkle in the ocean. I really don't want to have to attempt to get her up the beach in the elevator and to the room in time.

30 year old MOM's love NKOTB

Yes...that was one of the posters that a was held up during the NKOTB concert on the Today show. I couldn't help but giggle...that is so me! Joe, Jon, Jordan, Danny and Donnie sang some songs from the past and performed some moves that were so 1987. It was great. They have aged very well, their hair was neatly combed (no more mullets or rat tails), they donned black suits and white tennis shoes. Not too sure about the shoes, ruined the look in my opinion. The question that you are all wondering...so were they good? This was LIVE on the today show, I repeat live. It is my feeling that in the late 80's things were dubbed for a reason. They stunk pretty bad, but they looked good all except for the "dancers". What the???? Teeny tiny biker shorts and white teeny tiny bras. Nasty, not classy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-ntnChcHys

The cheesy music and choreographed dance brought me back to a time when:
* I couldn't wait to get my period * I teased my hair and only used salon selectives * Bonnie Bell lip gloss was slathered on my lips * I couldn't wait for my first kiss* my folders were coved in ink proclaiming my love for Joey Joe from NKOTB and Jordan* The sent of Drakkar and Polo cologne permeated the halls of the JR high

I actually went to two NKOTB concerts back in the day. One of which we thought that we smelled marijuana. It was probably someone reeking of too much cologne. I can remember screaming in "lust??" as Donnie gyrated on a speaker box in ripped blue jeans and Oh my gosh...they ripped exposing just a bit of his boxer shorts. Who would have thought back then I would be picking up my husbands boxers off the floor and not feel the lest bit of excitement at seeing mens underwear!

Shoot...I mean Shot

We have been busy the past few days. Jeff is working on a big project and I can't sneak into the office to use the computer. My laptop died last summer and well...it has been on the bottom of the priority list. The deal was I was suppose to rent out our castle moonwalk for extra cash. we have not had many takers. True, I have not been aggressively advertising, I really wanted it to be a word of mouth kind of thing. I think I need to step it up this summer and make some cash, because I NEED a computer!

Claire had her 15 month check up on Monday, a healthy skinny little thing she is. 10% in weight, much different than her over achieving sister. She got three shots, after her nap she was running a fever and very irritable. This was expected, but when the fever did not go away by Wed. afternoon, it was time to take her in. She had a raging ear infection. I am so sick of the doctor. Speaking of which, for her 15 month check we were stuck in that little room for 60 minutes. Trying to entertain Claire in that small space was enough to make me lose my mind. "Claire, please get away from the bio hazard box...it is not a toy."

Trojan Girl

me

Claire must be trying to tell us something. When she gets too quiet we know that she has been digging through Daddy's drawer. She has apparently taken it on herself to remind us that she does not want another sibling!

Potty Talk

I have been suffering from a bout of food poisoning, it hit me yesterday morning at 4:00 am. It was nasty. I kept having to scrub down the toilet, it was flowing out both ends. Too much info. Anyway, today I ate three crackers and drank a ton of water.

I worked today for the Texas Teaching Fellows and did not want to risk making a run for the potty esp. in a middle school student bathroom, so I opted to avoid food altogether. I survived, but felt like crap. Jeff did a great job with the girls and even picked up the house. Total Bonus points for him...could it be Mother's Day is tomorrow?

Just curious am I the only freak that after getting any kind of stomach illness that jumps on the scale just to see. Don't worry I am not turning into Karen Carpenter, but I have a this morbid curiosity about the whole thing. After over 24 hours in the bathroom...

On a positive note, Ella went poop on the big potty, so she could not make out any hidden pictures. I was thrilled because I HATE cleaning out the little potty. To buy her panties or not to buy her panties, that is the question...