wouldn't it be nice?

I am in super stress mode trying to pack for our trip. Jeff keep saying, it's no big deal. It will only take a few minutes... Flash back a month ago, our trip to Chicago. Vomit, diarrhea, ER , Oh my. I must be prepared for the worst. I have to pack a diaper bag with all essentials and worst case scenario fixes. There is a possibility that Gustav could effect the weather in TX on Sunday, the day we are scheduled to get back. I am packing for the remote possibility that we are stuck at the airport or our flight gets canceled. I have to pack lotions, medications, baby wash, band aids, blankies, paci, pull ups, panties, you get the picture. Jeff has to pack his three shirts and 2 pair of shorts. Of course, why stress.

My brother's girlfriend is house sitting for us. This makes leaving even more stressful. I am running around trying to clean everything. I can't tell you how many times Claire has managed to get into Jeff's drawer and sneak off with a fist full of condoms. In my rush to clean I have found a few here and there that she has stashed. I would be mortified if she pulls out a fresh clean towel and discovers condom packages tucked into the folds.

what would you do for 12.00

Old Navy had its 12 dollar one day jean sale yesterday. Ella went to the the circus with Jeff. Claire and I went bright and early to Old navy to get jeans. I had a list of sizes, my mom wanted me to pick a few up for her too. I drove up to the store at 10:00 and stuffed Claire into the stroller. The store was packed. I elbowed my way into the store trying to part the sea of women looking for a deal. Found my sizes that I needed and proceeded to get to the line which looped around the store. I glanced down at Claire, she was missing a shoe. Nice... I had to leave my coveted spot in line in order to locate the renegade shoe. I finally spotted it after about 5 minutes searching, just when I had almost reached the shoe, it got kicked under the display case. Excuse me, pardon me, I am trying to get on my hands and knees to reach under the case. Pushing, shoving, dust bunnies, and finally a shoe. I look up thrilled to have my shoe and there is Claire who managed to unbuckle herself and is now standing in the stroller about to take a header off into a pile of discarded jeans. I go to grab her and a very kind woman tells me that I need to watch my child a little better because she could hurt herself. I had a very un-Christian image of me wrapping my 12 dollar jeans around her pudgy neck. I spent 45 minutes in line, sweating like a pig, was reprimanded for my lack of parenting, but I got 3 pairs of 7 dollar jeans for the girls, 3 pairs for myself, two for Jeff, and two for my Mom. When I got home tired but a little bit giddy, (there is nothing like a good deal high) I enthusiastically showed Jeff my hard earned deals. What did I get? A hug, a we saved a ton of money dance.. .nope just a "thats nice". Men just don't get it.

Feeling better

I have decided that the only way I can calm myself down from all of this stress is to ignore it. Yes, I am indeed a fan of the ostridge. So, what have I done today? Hung out on the web, since Jeff is not home to notice my lack of motivation. I have been watching the Olympics and making snide remarks to myself. Why in the heck do the US women volleyball players wear white bikinis? Can you imagine the amount of grooming that went into wearing that? OK and what is it with the Chinese gymnastic girls. Someone needs to tell them that we just don't cake on the blue eyeshadow and glitter any more (oh yeah they are 13 and entitled to dress up). One last little tirade... what is it with the barrettes in gymnastics. Everyone is wearing them, is it cool in gymnastics to wear them? If so , I am breaking out my banana clip.

Hanging on

WE recently found out our new house will be ready early November. Jeff informed me that we need to put our house on the market in three weeks. I am panicking. Serious panic attacks, I have even considered going to a doctor to help me cope (can I do that??). I was an air force brat , so we moved every three years of my life. I LOATH moving, the word makes me physically sick. I have no idea where to begin "staging" a house. What the heck am I suppose to do with all of our stuff. To make things even more stressful we are flying again with the kiddos on Wednesday. If any of you remember my last trip a month an a half ago you would understand my added panic.

Will my marriage survive this? Seriously, I am a nut case at the moment and Jeff is not exactly helping matters. We are so snippy with each other. If we can survive this move, we can survive anything. I wish could just wiggle my nose and have it all done. Deep cleansing breaths... inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I was just in my zone until I caught a whiff of poo. Yes, Claire too has discovered the joys of taking off her diaper and experimenting with its contents. Nice... Am I raising MONKEYS???!!!

gotta love it

You gotta love a two year olds honesty. I woke up looking like an Alice Cooper wanna be. The night before I wore a new type of mascara. Yes, I did wash my face, but apparently waterproof is truly that. To get the crap off you need to get a restless nights sleep. My husband didn't mention my newly acquired look this morning. I did not check the mirror. I was too busy getting the girls fed and dressed. Ella was making strange faces at me. I saw her face wrinkle in concern. "Mommy" she said, "you look yucky today". My self esteem shattered, I went on with my morning routine. Once everyone else was ready, I treaded up the stairs to brush my teeth and spruce my yucky self up. I looked in the mirror and almost fell over. Good God, I really was as Kramer from Seinfeld put it "Hideous"(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ka1PeNNi6dg). The next time my hubby says I look nice I will remember that he didn't mention that I had turned into Alice Cooper over night!

Slipped

OK, I had to include this picture because it cracked me up. It has nothing to do with this post. Yesterday we went to a Combat Bunco party at my parents house. My friend was sweet enough to come over and watch the kiddos so that Jeff and I could have a good time. Let me first say that the pre-maid Mojitos are dangerous. They go down easy but pack a punch.

Combat Bunco is a very aggressive sport, it takes speed and agility all of which get a little out of hand when adult beverages are about. Since I was partying with my parents friends, I wanted to make sure that I left a good impression and really tried hard to not let any expletives fly. I was so conscious of it in fact that I probably made a mistake by not cursing.

The scenario:
My brother was my teammate. His girlfriend and my mother were our arch rivals in the final round. My brother had the last roll of the game, tensions were high...one more six and we would win. He rolled a 1,5,2...so I screamed, "You son of a Whore" trying not to curse. Not the best thing to say when our mother is sitting right next to us. Oops... I think that pre-maid mojitos are on my "danger, danger" list.

From high maintenance to non maintenance

Jeff is coming home tonight. Too late to clean up the over flowing toilet. Yes, yesterday my little scientist experimented with toilet paper and stopped up the toilet. To my horror I found not only water and paper gushing onto my freshly cleaned bathroom floor, but poop as well. Nice... 7 towels, one bottle of Lysol and a load of laundry it was cleaned up. I swear none of this crap happens when Jeff is home!

My trip is most certainly over. The hair maintenance is non existent, from my legs to my hair on the top of my head. With Jeff gone, there is no need to mow the lawn that I am acquiring on my legs. I look at the pictures of Vegas...it was another world where I put make up on everyday, cared about what cute outfit I was wearing, and always remembered to put on deodorant.I have to admit , I was well put together. Now... not so much.

I am back to "me" being the last thing I worry about. Thank goodness for my stash of extra deodorant in my gym bag and my car. i stare longingly at my makeup bag and hair products. I can hear them calling me... but so is my child with a dirty diaper, my other kiddo needs juice, the dog needs to go out. Decisions....

A little young

Ok , I am feeling a little obsessed with the Olympics. The US is getting beat in the medal count by China. These Olympics are bringing out the worst in me. I am staying up past my bed time, eating too much ice cream, screaming at the TV and hoping someone from another country will biff. For some reason watching athletes showcase amazing amounts of endurance and energy just makes me want to eat an ice cream sunday. Since Jeff has been gone, I managed to polish off a 1/2 gallon. I call it sympathy eating, because you know some of those guys would KILL to eat a sunday. I'm just saying...

What is it with the Chinese? I admit they are off the charts talented, but would it hurt to crack a smile. I suppose if you were pulled from you family at the age of 3 and force into training, you would look a little grumpy too. I read that they only get to see their family once a year. Sad.

China's little "baby" gymnasts were stupendous. Just wondering.. how much strength does it really take to propel your 60 pound self into the air. Our girls were solid averaging 30 + more pounds than the Chinese, you know they could swing their arm and take a few "babies" out if they wanted too. I read that one of the Chinese "women?" was even missing a tooth! She was so young that she lost a baby tooth and had yet to have a permanent one emerge. There are some new facts coming to light that may prove that one of the "women" was just 13. I am NOT saying that they shouldn't have won talent wise, but come on just play by the rules!

Tantrums

My euphoria from my trip is gone. My darling two and a half year old treated me with the tantrum of all tantrums. She thrashed, kicked, and sent objects flying. In her manic mode she managed to scratch me in the face, that so did not fly. Into bed she went and apparently she needed it because she took a 3 1/2 hour nap and was sweet as sugar when she woke up. The car is now fixed, it could be worse but seriously who has an extra 260 dollars just laying around and to top it off we got the bill from the emergency room in Chicago. And the money keeps rolling out...

I landed a great sounding job the other day. Part time, work from home coordinating an Au Pair agency. I checked out the BBB and they had 41 complaints in the last 3 years, so I think that I will turn it down. I am not in the mood to jump aboard a sinking ship.

OK as I stated my euphoria for my trip has mellowed so I will just give the highlights minus the witty reporte.

* Ended up on two VIP lists for "it" clubs in Vegas. (total fluke, either that or I just reek coolness)
* Saw The Game in concert. Yeah... I didn't know who they were either, apparently you need to be 20 to recognize them. We managed to be in the front row and I almost got in a cat fight with some witch who shoved me into the stage...that was until I realized that she had 100 pounds on me.
* Lost 20 dollars on the penny slots, but won 40.00 on quarter slots
* Successfully drank with no hangover (it only took me 15 years to figure this one out, ok that and the 15.00 drinks)
* Helped my girlfriend get ready for her wedding and ended up in the Las Vegas newspaper.
* Met with a few of my old Vegas High school buddies. We took a trip down memory lane and then felt sick to our stomachs when we realized that was 18 years ago

Son of a biscuit

So, Jeff is gone for a week and today the car would not start just as I was about to leave and pick Ella up. Luckily, my Mom was home and was able to pick her up. My Dad came of this evening and limped the car to the shop. Thats right... nothing major happens when I am gone; however every time Jeff goes away things go haywire. Today the car screws up and Claire & Ella had explosive diarrhea, had to change their sheets twice. Nice... I am so having a glass of wine while watching the Olympics, screw that, a bottle sounds better. I am looking forward to spending the day home with the girls tomorrow going stir crazy.

I will have to chronicle my Vegas stories a little each day because I am addicted to the Olympics. I have never cared about swimming, diving, or water polo before and now I am the authority on it all. I mean really did you see that splash after that dive!

Vegas Day 1:

Got to the hotel and got our drink on. Yes, my friend and I are among the cheap travelers, we brought our own booze so that we wouldn't have to buy the expensive drinks. We walked around the casinos a bit and I promptly lost 10.00 on the penny slots. Don't ask.. I have no idea how that happened. While walking in the Luxor we stopped by the club LAX and asked the guy in front what the cover was, he said, 20 dollars or you could get on the guest list. Ummm... no brainier free vs. 20.00. SCORE! We went back to our room took a nap, got our drink on again in the room and headed out for a night of partying.

To be continued... swimming is on and I have a thing for the mens chests...I mean strokes.

I don't know how long the link is good for, but we made it into the newspaper in Vegas too. Remember the purpose of the trip was to be there for a friends wedding:
http://www.lvrj.com/news/26468349.html

working on it

I just got back from Vegas yesterday. Jeff left for Baltimore this afternoon, so I have not had a chance to write. I have some stories! Awesome time in Vegas. Will post more when my kiddos go down for bed.

I'm outta here!

Yeah, by this time tomorrow there will be no more dirty diapers, cries of, "mommy", or temper tantrums. I started packing and realized that I have absolutely no "cool" clothes. I was planning a quick trip to Ross after Jeff got off work; however I reached into the far depth of my closet and found some really cool stuff. Granted, I have not worn it in 7 years, but paired with the right pair of jeans and shoes I can pull it off. Jeff was thrilled that I canceled my Ross excursion.

I am reading another cool book, Lost on Planet China, by J. Maarten Troost. I am learning so much about China, and to be frank,I'm not sure it will remain on my list of places I want to go. A few interesting facts:
~700,000 people die in China every year simply from breathing the air
~In the US anything more than 50 micro grams of particulates per cubic meter in the air is considered unsafe, in China the average is 141 micro grams.
~The average life expectancy for a traffic cop is 42 due to lung related illnesses.

My question is how are the athletes going to cope with the horribly polluted air?

Who knew??

We have really been trying to do more family things. For the past few nights we have had a family meal. This is a real milestone for us,since our kiddos are only 15 months appart. Claire can now use a fork and spoon pretty well, so now we can all relax and eat. Ok... well maybe not relax, but chat a bit about our day and enjoy each others company. We decided today to go to a new zoo that we read about. Jeff's job was directions. He really enjoys taking the "back way". The back way took us an hour to get there. On our journey, Ella decided that she had to go potty. For those of you in the midst of potty training you are well aware that one false move and you are back to zero. So, we found a little store and they did have a bathroom. The bathroom had a few centimeters of brown sludge covering the floor. I tried to tell Ella that we would go somewhere else, but she being a two year old, having no rational thoughts or actions insisted. When we got back in the car I literally hosed her down in hand sanitizer.

The ride to the zoo was a long one, it really is in BFE. Non paved roads, random trailers and piles of trash including a beautiful puke green sectional along the road. I was really dreading what the zoo would be like. It actually was great! There were animals roaming everywhere. There was a little deer that just loved Ella and followed her around. Who knew there was a hidden gem in BFE!