Pee Pee water

Today I hosted an event for my MOM's Club at a children's museum about 35 min. away. We were the only ones that showed up. Not exactly what I had planned, but my mother came to help out and we had a great time. I don't know what I would do with out the extra pair of hands/eyes. We had a fantastic time, but I know that I couldn't do it alone.

After naps..Ella 10 min. and Claire 30min. I decided to fill up the baby pool on our porch. The girls had a ball until I heard..." Sorry Mommy, I tinkled" Ella chose not to venture the 5 steps to the potty and did her business in the pool. Claire then took it upon herself to fill up cups of "tinkle water" and pour them on Ella's head. Ella was mortified... I couldn't help but laugh. We put them down for bed at 6:30. Ella threw away her last paci this afternoon, so it made for a traumatic evening, but she is asleep and paci free. Whoo Hoo!!!

Holy Stretched Out Uterus Batman

Well... the Duggars have done it again! Baby #18 is due on New Year's Day 2009!

Michelle Duggar has been pregnant for 11 years of her life. 11 YEARS!

I will not say those cruel things that I am sure they hear like "You know what causes that don't you?" or "Holy Crap are you crazy?????" No, I will not say such mean and hurtful things... but I will ask for a moment of silence for Michelle's stomach skin because you know as well as I do that there is no elastic left on that puppy whatsoever.

I could not imagine. I wonder if she has to tuck her stomach into her blue jeans.

How in the world do they remember the kids names? I bet they don't drink-they need to-but I bet they don't. That is probably how they are able to remember the names.

All of the kid's have names that start with "J." After 18 you would think they would be running out. Eventually there will be a Jujubes Duggar and a Jump Rope Duggar, maybe even a Jingle Bells Duggar.

anti June Cleaver style

Today the New York Times has a lengthy piece on couples that strive for equal parenting/chores — and the reasons why reality often falls short of the ideal. Ummm... yeah. We tried the 50-50 thing right after we got married. We wrote down the chores and assigned rolls. That lasted for about a few weeks. I look back on that and wish that I had stuck to my guns a little more. We have morphed from a couple trying to make things "fair", to a typical 1950's couple. I can't figure out how it happened. It was gradual and then once I stayed home with the kiddos, BAM! June Cleaver. OK, more like a ragged run down complaining June Cleaver. I am seriously lacking her perkiness and zest for all things domestic.

I am avoiding the laundry and the bathroom that needs to be cleaned. I really do try not to get annoyed about the lack of "fairness', but occasionally I just can help getting ticked. Laundry the never ending "joy" and unloading the dishwasher are my least fav jobs. Jeff's main chore is the lawn. I wish that laundry went dormant like the grass does in the winter. I really shouldn't complain, he really does a lot and is a great father. I still get stuck with the majority of the "fun" jobs. As a teenager, I NEVER thought that I would turn into my mother. I am getting more like her every day. Sigh... now back to mopping the floor, but perhaps I will mix it up and do it anti June Cleaver style with a glass of vino in my hand. Yes, I know I am such a rebel!

No sex in the city

I did manage to go and see Sex and the City with two of my girlfriends. We saw it at the Alamo downtown, it was a sold out crowd. The women were dressed to the nines. Yes, I too dressed up for a movie. This was a first. There were plenty of Carrie Bradshaw bra straps on display, and a few outfits that truly needed to be on the back page of Allure magazine..what not to wear. Great people watching and after a cosmo the girls and I were making catty remarks left and right. I love having girlfriends. I don't have to explain what I am looking at, all I have to say is "check it". They will notice the panty line, or the "she should not be wearing that" outfit.

For those of you who haven't seen the movie, I won't give anything away. I did however relate to Miranda for the first time ever. I think many married women with kiddos will.

Incentives

So I have been working out twice a week at our gym and recently came to find out the Bachelor takes a class at the same time I take my dance class. Nice... if I stare hard enough through the window separating the classes I can see him. I mentioned this tidbit of info to my single girlfriend who recently joined the gym. I had contemplated suggesting that I forgo my dance class and go to the other class with her. Then I really paid attention to the torture... I mean workout. Here I was bopping around to Thriller, and they were grunting in pain. No longer a glutton for punishment, I have decided not to offer to try the class out with her.

For those of you who don't know which bachelor I am talking about, I am including his photo. Yeah, I agree he really looks like a tool. However, a wife beater t-shirt and biker shorts don't make this tool look too hideous.

Ella wore her princess panties for 4 hours today, no accidents. The package of 7 panties included a few that were white. Come on! Really what toddler is not going to soil their panties. They should be camouflage material with a little princess in the corner.

Just curious when will I stop breaking out like a teenager? One of the perks of growing up or so I thought was clear skin. Surprise... pimples, and random chin hairs that appear out of no where.

Ella's special day

Today Ella had her special day. We went to a fairy party at a local toy store, out to lunch and to Target for her first pair of panties. She picked out princess panties. Tomorrow afternoon we will put the Princess to the test!

Short and sweet

It is late and I am tired! We attempted to go to the "summer beach bash" at our gym. Tons of kiddos, warm tuna sandwiches... so not worth the drama. After about 30 minutes of chasing after the girls, a skinned knee, and some whining, Jeff and I both gave each other the look. The look that means in no uncertain terms.. let's blow this joint!

A few days ago Ella had her first hair cut. My mother trimmed her ends. I shed a few tears, pathetic I know...

Herding Cats

We did it! I finally got a picture of both girls together! Ella freaked out at first but the photographer really worked hard to get her to have fun. She was great, Claire on the other hand refused to sit still. She ran all around. At the end of the session while waiting for our pictures, Ella had an accident in her diaper. She always goes poopy in the potty, so it was very traumatic for her to poop in her diaper. She was upset and to make matters worse one of the sales associates was running around with air freshener.

My secret weapon

In the past few posts I have complained about the fact that Ella has now embraced the terrible twos. Today, I discovered why they really are not all that terrible after all. Ella has proven herself to be my secret weapon. Low flush toilets are great in theory, not so great in practicality. Our toilets require a two flush minimum for number twos most of the time. My husband isn't always great at remembering that fact, and many times for lack of a better word there are some "files" left over from his "job". I usually notice this while bathing the kiddos. This evening I was grumbling out loud cleaning the toilet while the kiddos frolicked in the bath (more like pored water all over the bathroom floor) . Jeff got home late, and as usual around 9:30 Ella needs to go potty. Jeff took her in and was about to sit Ella on the potty when she let him have it. "Daddy, you no flush potty. Mommy clean potty. Naughty. Mommy clean it. You flush after poo poo . Make Mommy angry, naughty" I over heard this and peeked around the corner. She was wagging her little finger in the air with her hand on her hip while teaching her daddy a lesson. It was GREAT!!! Score one for Mommy!!!

Momzillas

I'm a sucker for chick lit. I am not embarrassed by this. I still read classics and a lot of nonfiction, but there's something amusing about chick lit that adds an element to my literary life. The best part of the book Momzillas by Jill Kargman is the glossary, I just wanted to share a few words with you.... can you relate?

Ball on a stick: super skinny pregnant woman who works out like crazy and counts calories, results in a bony body with uterus as only evidence of pregnancy

Blue Ribbon Birther: Mom who brags about her natural childbirth and thinks that she deserves a prize for forgoing drugs

Momologue: Mom who goes on and on about her kids as if he/she is the only one in the world

Sanctimommy: preachy mom who thinks she knows what is best not just for her child, but everyone else's

Suicide Hour: Generally between 5:00pm until husband comes home. "Happy Hour" for the rest of the world.

Closed Doors

One of my girlfriends that just had a baby left me a message claiming that I made it (being a mom) look too easy. My first thought was there is a lot of tears behind closed doors. We all try to make motherhood look beautiful and well put together. The truth is motherhood is messy, the kind of messy that makes you wish that waterproof mascara really worked.

Priceless

My hubby has been having computer issues, so I am just getting on the computer now.

Let me think back to our trip:

On the way we almost ran out of gas, Ella had several false potty alarms on the road. She was NOT having a dirty restroom experience. One of our attempts resulted in the following scenario:
Ella: No potty mommy, too dirty.
Me: Well Mommy has to go potty, I will clean the seat... see you can sit now.
Ella: No! I don't want to. No!
Ella: Can I peek (at the lady in the stall next to us)
Me: No you can't peek at the lady
Ella: Yeah Lady...you go potty. Yeah... Lady you wash hands?
Me: Yes, she will wash her hands, let's wash our hands. Good! Now this is a hand dryer, just like a hair dryer, but for your hands.
Ella: AHHHHHHHHHH (screams at the top of her lungs and darts out of the bathroom running into a very large tattooed man.)

Next the beach:
The waves, the sand, the gentle breeze... my two and a half year old refuses to touch the wet sand. we still have six more days... in her defense she was able to touch it by the end of day 6.

The pool:
Ella only wants to sit on the step. Throws giant fit when it is time to get out.
She managed to poop in her swim suit resulting in a nasty mess. Claire never poops in her swim suit but sits in the only spot of tar on the beach and looks like she pooped for the rest of the trip.

The elevator:
Elevator door shuts almost locking Ella in the elevator alone... go go gadget arm pry open the door saving her. Ella is terrified of the elevator... day three.

Life with a two year old:
This week Ella came to the realization that she is now two. She morphed into a whiny , temper tantrum throwing , wild child. I was assured by my mother, that my brother and I really were never like that. Ella must be "high spirited". Hmmm.. isn't that code for little turd?

It really was a great trip, and never dull. The girls had fun. There was plenty of alcohol at night to drown out the terrible two hangover. Memories were made. Now it is back to laundry, cleaning, and the time out corner.