heinous anus

We celebrated my hubby's birthday on Saturday with a night on the town with a few friends. My hubby drank a few pints of Guinness. It was his birthday, my soon to be sister in law was driving so he drank a few more than his digestive track would allow. His bowels revolted and produced a stench so heinous, that I literally almost threw up in my mouth SEVERAL times. The worst of it was that the stench lingered. I would leave the room only to return 20 minutes later to the smell of ass. So, I have decided that I need to invent a butt mint, or perhaps a maxi pad of some sort that could be attached to boxers to absorb stench. We have deodorant maxi pads, why not a butt maxi. Now I don't think that it needs to smell like roses, but perhaps the fresh linen sent would be nice. I would walk into a room and think, did my husband do the laundry? Too bad it was just the butt maxi... I wonder if I could patent this idea. My husband refuses to take gas-x, but perhaps a super thin stench absorber would do the trick...hmmmmm