Stress and Bambi

 

We are in the final stretch of the home selling/buying process and all I can say is HGTV is missing out on high drama. If you ever watch the show, the potential buyers make an offer, and very rarely is there any negotiating. You then see the happy owners in their new house a few months later. They need to show the inspection, the option period, and the appraisal. Who knew that potential buyers could come back during the option period and ask $1400 for window treatments? I will be so glad when we close on our current house, there are still so many twists and turns that we have no control over. To reduce my stress, I have been zoning out on more HGTV. One of the episodes this week really ticked me off. Let me preface this by saying thanks to pregnancy hormones I am suffering some anger issues. It takes very little to send me into a tail spin.
OK, so picture this... a beautiful blond, perfect body, in her late twenties wearing a tight fitting classy hot pink tube top, white capris, and heels. She is perched on the couch sitting next to her dream boat of a hubby discussing what she is looking for in her vacation home. "WE have a very tight budget.", she giggles. "I don't know how much of a house we can really buy for 1.8 million." I think I may have murmured a few expletives under my breath. The show went on to show the couple touring three gorgeous homes in Maui. I think the thing that send me over the edge, was after seeing all three homes the girl, lets call her Bambi began sobbing. "This is the most stressful thing I have ever gone through. Finding the right vacation home is so hard." I don't know what hit me, but my middle fingers on both hands took their position and I began yelling at poor little Bambi on the TV. Poor Bambi is facing the most stressful moment in her life, all I can say is good luck with that.

When the stars align

I have been unable to blog due to the fact that I have been borderline insane for the past week. Our house was going on the market, so we had to clean, put stuff in storage, paint, and de-clutter. I wish I could say that I managed the stress gracefully, but instead I cried, wiped snot bubbles, and lost it. The stress of keeping the house perfect, with everything put away was more than I could take. We lucked out and got an offer on the house before we put it on the market. There were some tense moments as we negotiated back and fourth. In the midst of that stress, we found a "good deal" for a house in a great neighborhood. Jeff was excited, I was disgusted. A great deal meant a a nasty dirty house that needed some serious updating, not something I was anticipating with two kiddos and one on the way. Jeff tried to talk me into it and I lost it, I had a meltdown in front of the Realtor...snot bubbles and all. Needless to say, I was mortified.
The following day we saw a house that we loved and made and offer on it. Today all of the stars aligned and we sold one house and bought another. We never even had to put our house on the market. I am so relieved, no more perfectly clean and tidy house. Just for fun, I left dirty dishes in the sink and clothes on the floor, because I can.
We told the girls today and Ella had a melt down. She was so upset that we wouldn't be having an open house anymore. She wanted balloons on the for sale sign. I told her we would buy a balloon for the sold sign. Claire was thrilled and showed her enthusiasm by licking our front door and saying, "I love this house. I will miss it." Hey, at least the door was clean!

And???

 

The other day Jeff and I decided to tell the girls about their new baby brother or sister. We had the video camera rolli1ng to catch the moment. I don't know what reaction I was expecting, but I was expecting a reaction of some sort. The moment was so anti climatic. After I told them, Claire pulled up my shirt to see my belly. She patted it and exclaimed, "I have a baby in my belly too!" Ella followed suit, pulling up her shirt and patting her belly. I love the picture that we snapped, could they look any more enthusiastic? The girls then went back to playing like nothing ever happened. Jeff kept attempting to get a reaction, they didn't seem the least bit interested. It wasn't until the following day, that I caught on to what happened. The girls thought that we were talking about a belly button. They were under the impression that all girls had a baby under their belly button, it just wasn't ready to come out yet. After much explaining and discussion, they finally caught on. Claire wants a baby sister and Ella wants a baby brother. We have the opportunity to find out the gender on Feb. 19th!

Billy Goat Gruff Style

I really love pregnancy hormones. Pregnancy glow? Come on, more like pregnancy grease face. Things are going seriously a rye. Yesterday, I was washing my face attempting to wash off the oil slick that had accumulated on my forehead when I noticed something. At first I thought, perhaps a piece of my hair has gotten stuck to my chin. I attempted to wipe it off, only to come to the realization that it is attached. Half an inch of hair was billowing in the breeze attached billy goat gruff style. I grabbed the tweezers and yanked that SOB out. I flew down the stairs to confront my husband. I showed him the hair and screamed, "Why didn't you say something? I have been walking around growing a beard or morphing into a goat and you never said a word??" I berated him and instituted a weekly beard scan every Friday. I am serious as a heart attack about this one. I don't want to be know in my circle of friends as Billy Goat.

organizationally challenged

I have been afflicted with this condition since birth. I am lacking the organizational gene. My heart rate sky rockets, I get sweaty, and I have no idea where to begin. My house is neat and clean, but don't you dare open up any drawers or cabinets. Do you see my dilemma? We are getting the house ready to put on the market and the drawers and cabinets NEED to look neat and tidy. People want to see in your drawers and closets. I spent a good several hours in our bathroom today alternating between sobbing and sorting. I have been squirreling away every free lotion, conditioner, and shampoo since we have been married. For what...I don't know. The worst part is I had an emotional attachment to some of the bottles. Awww...I remember that hotel. Does A&E have a show, borderline hoarders?

I have been attempting to keep the girls occupied while we organize and take things to the storage unit. They have been watching movie after movie. Poor Claire is so board that she has resorted to eating her boogers. Jeff came down and saw her chewing on something. He asked her what she was eating, she said boogers. Later, I asked her why she did that she replied, "Just something to do."

Pregnant Pause

I have missed my little blog and my outlet to de-clutter my mind. I am back with some interesting news...I am pregnant! My last post in Oct. mentioned wanting a third kiddo. Well, a cute pair of Halloween panties(thanks Mom) and a darn good martini did the trick. The only problem...the third kiddo was "planned" two years from now. Our infertility woes have been miraculously cured and now I am getting my tubes tied. Three for the price of one, thanks Dr. Silverburg!
I have been avoiding the blog because I was feeling so darn yucky. The thought of being remotely witty or interesting made me want to vomit. I was never sick with my other two girls, but the 1st trimester with this one was nasty. Jeff claims that it is the kryptonite penis developing inside me that made me ill. Hmmmm... could he possibly want a boy? Needless to say, the third pregnancy is a bit different especially when you are labeled "ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE". My OB chart is a hideous shade of florescent green with little hot pink stickies all over it. Despite the mortifying label, a few perks come with "age". I had a few extra sonos. In the last one, the baby began flailing his/her arm, Jeff was sure the baby was whipping around his "junk". I had to remind him that I was growing a baby not a porn star. Yes, this is what I am dealing with and he doesn't want to find out the sex of the baby.
I will do better updating my blog and thank you to those that have emailed me about missing my posts. It made me feel great. This year should be filled with many stories... baby #3 is due July, 10th. We have @ six months to sell our house, buy a bigger one, buy a mini van, and birth a child. Bring it!

Don't Mess With My Toot Toot

Jeff and I have been kicking around the idea of another kiddo at some point. I know that deep down, he would love a boy. Although tonight it dawned on me, who really needs a boy when we have a Claire. Claire's new little thing is that she wants you to lay on the floor with her before going to bed. She likes chattering on about her day and tooting. Yes, that is right my little princess lets it all out before bedtime. Tonight we were laying on the floor and I was singing to her. She was twirling a piece of my hair in her little fingers when she let out one of the loudest toots I have ever heard. She whispered ,"excuse me" and then started giggling. I couldn't help myself and started laughing too. Mid giggle, she lets another one rip, and another and another. By this time, I was laughing so hard that tears were running down my cheeks. I could feel her little body tense as she attempted to one up her last pass of gas. We were both cracking up when she abruptly stopped giggling and said in a panicked little voice, "Oh, no ...I pooped!"

The Pathetic Princess

Once upon a time, in a not far enough away land called Germville there lived two little Princesses. Princess Elle enjoyed nothing more than putting on a show. She excelled at turning the most minuscule injury into a full blown catastrophe. Her apprentice and sister Princess Claire was a very fine study. She was quite adept at taking mental notes to increase her repertoire of limping, moaning, dramatic coughing, and wheezing. One day Elle was gallivanting through the enchanted play yard with her friends, when someone let out an oink, and then another playmate followed suit. The Queen was particularly nervous upon hearing the oinking. The next week Princess Elle awoke feeling a tad bit warm. The queen felt her head and was concerned. Elle took a deep breath and coughed. Terrified that her oldest Princess would begin to oink, the queen marched the princess to the doctor. The doctor chuckled as the Princess attempted to cough and bat her deep brown eyes. Rest, fluid, and a tea spoon of sugar should do the trick. The queen was relieved by the lack of oinking. She hugged princess Ella, snuggled up with her and told her a story. Princess Claire noticing the cuddles and pats that her sister was receiving decided to put on a show. She coughed, she moaned, she limped, she may have even attempted an oink or two. Princess Ella sighed and whispered to her sister, " I'm really sick Claire, I went to the doctor. You are not sick." The Queen was on to the act and gave Princess Claire the attention that she was craving. After the little princess were in bed the exhausted Queen took a deep breath and drank a whole bottle of whine...I mean wine.

The end

Flood, Mud=camping dud

My new motto when asked to go camping again..."Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business". I am a proud 8 hour camping survivor. Who knew camping could be so ...fun? Storms, lightning, mud, oh my! There were, I must admit glimmers of "fun", but that all seemed to be washed down the gully along with layers of soil when the storm hit. Who knew that the meteorologists would be correct when predicting 90% chance of rain? I bit my tongue and did not yell, "told you so" at the top of my lungs. I sucked it up to the best of my ability. The pictures were before the torrential down pour. I learned that it is all fun and games until lighting strikes 60 feet from you. The crack of thunder after the lighting sent the kiddos screaming in terror. We all evacuated to our cars and sat while the rain battered the car. Once the storm seemed to let up we checked the damage, our tent was sitting in about 1 inch of water. The girls and I carefully waded through the mud and water to the tent. We had just gotten comfortable when we herd a loud thud and yelling. Apparently, a tree fell on the corner of a tent next to ours. I called my girlfriend on the verge of tears, she informed me that another strong band of storms was coming through soon. So, we all decided to cut our losses and get the heck out of there.

Tent sitting in 1 inch of rain, lightning 60 feet away, mud caked in between my toes...never feeling guilty about not "trying" camping...priceless!.

High ho it's off to camping we go

Rain, rain coming this way
70% chance the weathermen say

While you are warm, dry, and cozy in your bed,
I will be cursing and wishing my husband dead.

We are heading out tomorrow morning in the RAIN. I have tried to convince Jeff to go without me and just to take Ella. No luck so far. So much for my virginal camping trip being blissfully fun. If he were smart he would let me stay home, and go next time when there is not a chance of torrential rain and lightning. Really, he is trying to sell me on this "fun" why not wait until conditions are a bit more...dry??? I hate being wet, wet socks, mud, whiny kiddos stuck in a tent. F U N ????

Nibble Nibble like a ...

Chomp, chomp, sniff, sniff...Claire's mommy is in a tiff. Today I was called out of my dance class at the gym because of my sweet little angel, Claire. The child care worker calmly informed me that Claire had bitten another child and drew blood. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes and she explained that if a child bites they must be immediately removed from the building. My sweet girl a violent criminal, what did I do wrong in my parenting? I went into the child care center and saw her sitting in time out, she looked up at me and flashed her winning smile, "Hi mommy!" I got on her level and attempted not to lose it. I was mortified and so disappointed in my kiddo. I did not raise her to be a menace. I felt horrible for the poor other child that received the wrath of her little teeth. After signing a legal document about the incident, I swiftly escorted my girls out of the building sobbing. Claire went to time out for quite a while and then had to play alone in her room. She is only 2 and a half so I can't keep her in her room all day. This is only the second time she has done this, the other time she bit her older sister AFTER Ella bit her. I read on the web that this is typical behavior for a 2 year old, but it did not make me feel any better. Right now Claire is happily chowing down on her PB&J, while humming twinkle twinkle. What am I doing? I'm feeling guilty about what happened. By now I should come to terms with the fact that motherhood and guilt go hand in hand.