Go suck an egg Monday-I hate you

 I feel like crap on a stick today.  I skipped my dance class this morning because I am coughing up a lung and got no sleep.  Instead of coming home after dropping off Middle C at Preschool, I thought I would run to Big Lots and buy two lawn chairs that I saw were on sale.   Baby A was not in a good mood, she was having some really bad gas.  I plopped her into the cart, buckled her in and started hunting down the chairs.  Once I found them, I struggled to get the two awkwardly packaged chairs into the cart while the "employee of the month" looked on.  While trying to get them into the cart I smashed Baby A's little chubby finger between the cart and the chair.  She let out a high pitched wail and attempted to bite the offending chair.   I tried to calm her with a bag of cookies that I hastily grabbed off the shelf.   She quieted down a bit, and I wheeled the cart to the check out line.  It was about three people deep.   I waited and I waited.  Baby A was about halfway through the bag of cookies when the cashier croaked, "Next".  I asked if she could possibly scan the chairs without having to pull them out of the cart.  She blew a bubble, popped it and said, "Nope".  I hoisted the chairs out of the cart, one at a time trying hard not to smack Baby A in the head.   The cashier gave the the total, and I started to root around my giant purse.  Crap, there was no credit card.  Then it dawned on me, I did not put it back in my purse after ordering pizza the night before.  Just as I was about to tell the cashier never-mind, Baby A grabbed a handful of cookies and threw them on the floor and screamed, "OUT"!  I started apologizing for not having my credit card, when the cashier got on the microphone and bellowed, "Need a Void,  Customer can't pay".  By then, there were several people in line behind me, obviously annoyed.  I could feel my face burn with embarrassment and my antiperspirant start to fail.  Then I remembered, as wet gnawed on cookie sailed past my cheek, I still had to pay for the #$%#$%$ cookies.  I started pawing through the discarded receipts, crumbs, and  wrappers looking for 1.25 in change.  It was at that moment, that Baby A began to grunt, crinkle up her little sweet nose, and turn red.  The stench that permeated from her diaper was beyond heinous.  A woman standing behind me whispered, "Good Lord!"  Then out of the depths of my purse I spotted a few more quarters.  Done!  I high tailed it to the car with my stinky baby, cursing under my breath.  I guess I will never get those chairs, there is no way I am going there again.  Go suck an egg Monday, I hate you!