At The Carwash

I am an awesome mother…on most days.  I know that one of the things mothers should never do is compare our mothering skills, but we do.  In our moments of self loathing, we doubt our parenting choices and skills.  We all have “friends” on facebook that keep us posted on how amazing they and their kids are.   We hear about their fantastic family trips, their made from scratch meals, and the numerous awards that their kids win. We rarely hear about the messy stuff... the things about motherhood that we all can relate to.  I give you one of my Epic Fails in motherhood to make you all feel better.  (At least you were not THAT mother....)

June 21st, 2011

In the past three weeks, I have survived a 3,000 mile family road trip and little C's tonsillectomy and recovery. Who knew that on top of that, today, the summer solstice would bring with it an epic Mommy Fail moment.

I was rocking it today. It was one of those days when things were getting done and the kids were cooperating. I was feeling great about my mommy skills. I even listened to the Vacation Bible School CD four times in a row. That in itself deserved a few gold stars.

One thing I have learned about parenting is to enjoy the moment, because it could all go from calm to insane in no time flat... which is just what happened - my Epic Mommy Fail moment.

It was another blistering day of 100 degree heat. The meteorologists were excited,  yapping about a 15 percent chance of rain. At some point in the morning they mentioned that (or suggested that) we should all wash our cars to bring on the rain. My 4 year old, Little C, heard this and begged me to get a car wash after her post-op doctor appointment. Sweet!  (If that can be the bribe for good behavior at the doctor's, it is a win win as far as I am concerned.)

 I fill up my car with gas and get the receipt with the carwash code printed on it. I should be suspicious when I notice that the code is 666.  Baby A is happily babbling in the car and C is chomping at the bit waiting for the rainbow colored soap. We very slowly drive the "swagger wagon" in, savoring the moment when the under carriage is being washed. I remind C to make sure that her little pop-out window is, in fact, closed. She cheerfully yells, "Check!"

I put my car into park and just as the car wash begins to really get going, baby A begins to scream (not a fan of car washes). Little C is giggling and singing, "At The Car Wash, doobie doobie doo....MOMMY, my window is open. I am getting wet!!!" I launch myself over the seats until I am at the back of the van and pop the window back into the locked position. C finds this whole thing hilarious and is laughing. Baby A is screaming. Since I am in the back seat, I attempt to calm her down and give up when she hurtles a book at me.

The little sign in the car wash now flashes CRYSTAL CLEAN RINSE, the last cycle. Once again, I scramble to get to the front seat. Due to the diaper bag in my way, I crash over the front seat armrest bonking my head somehow on the door control button.

It is like slow motion... I hear C scream, "The door Moooommmmmmyyyyyy." Next, I feel a fire hose force of water pummeling the inside of the car. Baby A is wailing. I fumble to find the button to close the door. Screw the dry cycle, I floor it out of the wash and pull into the parking lot. I'm sobbing, baby A is screaming, and C is laughing out loud. I get out and open the door. Baby is soaked from head to foot. Her hair is wet and water is dripping down her face. The stack of diapers I had at her feet are now bloated with water. I unbuckle the poor water logged baby and attempt to calm her. We are all fine, however I fear that down the way baby A may be in therapy, suffering from a debilitating car wash phobia.

After all of that, now it had better rain, damn it!

Don’t you feel better now? 

At least your were not the mother that opened her van door in a car wash. 

If you still don’t feel good about your mothering skills, do what I do.  Go to Walmart.  There is no other store that does more for improving one's self esteem.