Happy 40th!

Last Night we threw an awesome anniversary bash for my folks! It was perfect, all of the stress was well worth it. Dancing under the stars with my dad...priceless!

Self Tanner Phobia

I am freakishly pale. Pale is such a nice way of putting the fact that the color of my legs resembles the white out bottle on my desk.

I am a natural redhead, pale and freckles are a part of the package. I do not tan, I burn. I am in a constant state of fear of skin cancer. I would never step foot in a tanning salon, but I would try sunless tanner. I must admit however; that I have a self tanner phobia. This stems from the summer of 1986.

I was in 7th grader at Del Robbison Junior High in Las Vegas. The kids on the honor roll were being rewarded with a trip to Wet & Wild, a water park on the strip. A few weeks prior, my mother had allowed me to buy my first bikini. It was a glorious shade of florescent orange with ruffles. The ruffles helped hide the fact that I was still far from developing. I felt great in my new swim suit. At school the girls were all a twitter, discussing their swim suits. One of my friends bragged about the fact that she had already started laying out to get her base tan. After school I rushed home to start on my base tan too. I put on my bikini and stared at myself in the mirror in horror. Florescent orange on a florescent white body, I was doomed. There was hope... my mother had recently purchase a tube of the "new sunless tanner". Bain de Soleil was one of the only ones on the market at that time and it was fairly pricey. My mother promised that she would help put the lotion on before the trip. This eased my mind, I too would have a tan just in time to hit the man made beach.

The day before the trip I kept pestering my mother to help me with the lotion. She said that she would get to it sometime that evening. Patience is not a virtue for a thirteen year old. While my mother was cooking dinner I went to her bathroom and took out the Bain de Soleil. My tan was in my fingertips. I squeezed out the fowl smelling white lotion and began to apply it all over my body. There were directions on the tube, but I knew how to put lotion.

A few hours later my mother told me that she could help me with the lotion now. She did a double take and started to giggle. The giggle got louder and louder until she had tears welling up in her eyes. Once she calmed down she asked, "did you use my Bain de Soleil without me? Common sense would have told me to fess up, but common sense is rare in a thirteen year old. I rolled my eyes and replied, "no". My mother said well do me a favor and check yourself out in the mirror.

I rushed to the mirror and looking back at me was an orange ompalompa. I pulled off my clothes and saw orange hand prints,streaks,and spots. In a dead pan voice my mother asked one more time, "are you sure that you didn't use my Bain de Soleil ?" I was caught orange handed literally. I spent the rest of the evening trying to scrub off the orange, I rubbed my skin raw, but it was no use.

The next morning, I announced to my mother that I was simply not going to the water park. She replied, "oh , yes you are." I managed to survive the embarrassment of the water park, but to this day I am terrified of becoming orange again. The formulas are so much better now, I know.

I learned a lesson that fateful day in 1986, sometimes mothers do get the last laugh.

Catch a brake?

I have been "off the blog" for the past three days. I wish that I could say that I have been basking in the sun on my porch with a cool margarita. No such luck. I have been dealing with one thing after the other. Claire has been sick with a 102 fever, I have a sinus infection, and Ella is "acting" sick just so that she won't be left out.

* Left 25 dollars worth of groceries in the car over night...the steak, pork tenderloin and chicken. So much for my budget saving recipes
* Twice this week forgot about wet laundry in the dryer...smells like mildew
* Spilled pitcher of OJ all over the freshly mopped floor.
* Discovered that my miracle bra new swim suit that I ordered makes my chest appear like my back. Some miracle!
* Hubby spread 300 dollars worth of dillo dirt 3 nights in a row, yard smells like sewer, just discovered that it is killing the grass.

This weekend I am hosting a 40th anniversary party for my parents. If I can make it to Sunday then I'm golden!

What a day

We went to a Muster Day celebration with the family. Fun! We also went out to eat and then on to see the brodway production Aveneu Q. There were some really catchy tunes in the show such as: What Do You Do With A B.A. In English?,Everyone's A Little Bit Racist, and the ever popular song title...The Internet Is For Porn. You need to You Tube some of these songs. Hilarious. I can now say that I have had the privilege of seeing Muppets have sex. This is a strange concept since the muppet is purely a torso...

I lick it

Claire is really into licking everything. She rather enjoys smearing peanut butter on her arms just so she can lick it off. She calls her tongue her "licker". I have asked her to wash her face, her reply is, "No! My licker do it Mommy." So I should have known a trip to Pet Smart to look at the animals would be a bad idea. The girls and I arrive at Pet Smart. Approximately 5 seconds into the trip, Ella sees the fish tanks and has to go potty. Pet Smart is NOT the place to go potty. I have one word for it, NASTY. After the trip to the potty, Claire begins pounding on the cages and aquariums. I reprimanded her and explained that pounding on the glass gives the animals headaches. She nodded and proceeded to kiss (sometimes a peck, others a french kiss) every cage and fish tank. I tried, I really did to restrain her affections. So, if she comes down with some strange illness I will not be surprised.

trends i won't be wearing

Really? Who is going to wear this crap. The poor models can't even keep the thin bands of cloth in place. Yes, it is that dreaded time of the year again...the hunt for a swim suit. The mere thought of it turns my stomach. The three way mirrors, the "hygienic" sticker on the crotch, trying to cram your underwear into the bottom half of the suit. YUCK! After my last swim suit experience a few weeks ago, I have decided that it is time to suck it up and get a new one. I thought my first stop would be the internet. I can get it shipped to me and try them on at home. My first stop the Victoria's Secret site. There is free shipping for items over 100.00. I figure I get a few, try them on and send the majority back.
Decisions, Decisions, decisions... Beach Sexy, Miracle Bra, Very Sexy, or Body by Victoria. Let's see Beach sexy, I will be running after two kiddos on the beach, sand always seems to gravitate to the crotch region, my youngest has a fascination with straps (she prefers them off the shoulder) I'm going to have to say no to the beach sexy or very sexy. That leaves Miracle Bra or Body by Victoria. I am excited about this Miracle Bra idea. I have been clinging to my A+/B- since adolescence and I would really love a miracle. The woman wearing the suits looked to either be blessed by God or a surgeon. I don't think that Victoria has the power to work a large scale miracle. I loved some of the tops, but I just can't envision my mini miracle in there. On to the body by Victoria...please. My body is Body by Ella and Claire. So the search continues.

Mirror mirror on the wall

Ella has really been imitating me recently. It just cracks me up. She is REALLY into reprimanding her little sister. Not that I am excited about that, but it is how she reprimands her. Today I caught her standing with her hands on her hips demanding that, "Claire clean up your mess right now." Claire replied, "NO!", so Ella once again with her hands on her hips replies, " No attitude Claire, do it now!" I couldn't help but crack up.

tomorrows blog topic...swimsuit search 2009

Happy Easter

Presto!

I am so glad that I have two girls. I know that the teenage years will be hell, but right now I am loving it. We were at a birthday party a few days ago. The little boys were pretending that golf clubs were guns. They were running around shooting everything. Ella tried so hard to play with the older boys, but she had no clue what a gun was. She was running around with a golf club "playing" with them. Instead of her club being a gun she thought it was a wand. She was running around saying, "presto!". The boy were screaming, "your dead", and she was yelling "your a princess". She really had no clue. I love it!

Therapy

Ella and Claire have discovered my hiding place for my silicone boob inserts. Yes, I do where them when I am feeling in a "B" type of mood. The girls were running around the house screaming, "I have Mommy's Boobies". Great, what kind of therapy will they need after that?

Stinky Bottom

Nothing makes you more humble than having kids. Yesterday Ella was having a great day. We went to Mighty Fine Burgers. I was so proud of Ella's behavior. Ella asked to go to the bathroom, so we went. Ella first and then I had to go too. I was just about to flush when Ella proudly announces in a loud voice, "Mommy you have a stinky bottom, you need to take a shower." I swear it wasn't me, someone in the stall next to me was going number 2. It was not like I could pipe up and say, "No Ella, that stinky bottom is in the stall next to us." Gotta love a three year old!

Why Digital Cameras Rock!

Today we went to Breakfast with the Easter bunny at Nordstroms. The girls loved the bunny, but how many pictures does it take to get ONE with both of them looking at the camera???

Debbie Downer

Have you ever been in a funk? The kind where you think every thing sucks, yet you know that on the whole you are darn lucky. I am stuck in a funk and I can't get up. I could go on and on with my pessimistic emotions right now, but I will spare you the ramble. I must say that the icing on the cake today was at Target. Yesterday, I had a 24 hour tummy issue and couldn't eat much of anything, I am riding the cotton pony and here I go again with my complaints. Anyway, I ran into someone that I knew back in high school (not the best years of my life)and she remarked, "My God, you are way too skinny. You need to eat." Really? I so wanted to say, "Wow you really have gotten fat. You really need to lay off the fries". I didn't say anything, I just looked at her. Luckily Claire broke the tension by catapulting her shoe across the aisle. I made a show of JOGGING over to get it and smiled..."Kids" and then I pushed the shopping cart like a bat out of hell to the check out stand.
Later today, I tried so hard to think positive thoughts while I folded laundry and watched Oprah. The guest was Suzie Orman. She gave a doom and gloom lecture and insisted that we all live on half of our current income because things really won't get better until 2015. Great news for those of us that ARE living on only one income. I glared at the TV and threw a fist full of Ella's panties at the screen. Tomorrow will be better.