Potty Talk

I must admit I am having difficulty blogging lately. I loath the computer, I think this is all due to the fact that I now have another part-time/part-time job as a ghost writer. Mysterious isn't it? The crappy thing is now my computer is a necessary tool for my job and no longer my escape from reality. I won't lie, I have been occasionally checking out the trashy gossip sites just to see Jon "Gross"elin and yell at his douche bag picture. Anyway a little update:
Claire is now officially potty trained, she has mastered the poop in the potty bit. She has also discovered a new manipulation tool. If she is doing something that she doesn't like her new phrase is, "I have to go poop, my poop is coming out now!" She yells this at restaurants if she is done with her food, and doesn't want to sit and wait while we finish. She yells this if it is not her turn to ride on the back of the shopping cart in Walmart. The other day she yelled that eloquent phrase in the quiet library. Talk about the stink eye, The guy in the back corner surfing porn even looked up and gave me a dirty look. I get the cry wolf thing, but I don't want to take any chances. If you have ever attempted to clean poop out of panties, you would know what I mean.

While we are on the subject of poop, I am finally getting my IBS looked at. I have a few unpleasant tests that I scheduled a few days before our trip to the beach. I plan to look good in my swimsuit darn it. The colonoscopy prep is a bitch, but it is a great way to purge a few pounds just by literally sitting on your ass. This brings me back to a question, whatever happened to the cushioned toilet seats from the 80's. Remember those? My parents had one, it let out a whooshing sound whenever you sat on it. Your butt cheeks would sweat and stick to the seat if you sat too long. I couldn't find one online like I had as a kid, but I did find this gem (see picture). According to the site, "The Rivers Edge Products Deer Round Toilet Seat adds an element of surprise to any bathroom." Yes, you too could get the thrill of a life time for just 64.95!